This has nothing to do with anything

As we all know, I have awesome hair.  Well, as strange as it may sound, I was actually asked to write up a step by step instructional piece on how I dry my hair today.  I know right?  That’s crazy.  I mean just cause I have the world’s best hair and can wear it either curly or straight doesn’t mean I actually have any authority to instruct others on how to replicate such perfection.  Right?

Well.  I did it anyway.

Enjoy:

Drying horribly thick and curly hair to perfection in 8 easy steps:

Step one;
Throw your head forward, sit on the edge of the shower (or toilet) and dry all your hair for like 2 or 3 minutes.  This is my way of warming up to the idea of the daunting task ahead AND a way to get my hair to be a bit fuller.

Step two:
Segment the hair – divide up the front half of your hair as you would if you were going to wear it ¾ up and clip it forward.  Its ok if you look retarded, this is temporary.

Step three:
Start with the back.  Use a very large roll brush to portion off sections.  Focus all the heat onto whatever section you are brushing.  Make sure to touch the dryer to it (with the extension piece only!  Don’t catch your hair on fire because there is no step for that here).  Try to follow the brush with the dryer like they do in the salon.  With half your hair on top of your head, it’s not as scary. Repeat on the other side.

Note: I find it easier to start with the bulk of the hair first and then go back and do the roots when the hair is dry.  It gets less tangled.

Step four:
Drop the top half and divide in the middle with your fingers.

Step 5:
Using the roll brush, start on one side in the front.  Roll the brush under your hair and pull up towards the dryer. (Pay attention the next time you’re at the salon and watch how they do it).   Continue doing this until all the hair on one side of your face is dry.  Then, switch to the other side.

Step 6:
Now, almost your whole head should be dry except the crown.  Its easier to grab onto the hair using the roll brush and flip it forward.  Then get that hairdryer underneath it and follow it forward like you did the hair around your face.

Step 7:
You are almost done.  (I know, but I said it was daunting)  Flip all your hair to one side.  You’ll notice that all the stuff underneath and in front is nice but the stuff in the back is kinda blgh.  Take the roll brush and run it vertically down the side of your head then twist it.  Now you can curl that under like the rest.  Do this everywhere.

Step 8:
Use a tiny amount of laminents drops, dirt (or even hand lotion!) mixed up in your hands and separate out the ends.  You’re done!  See that wasn’t so hard was it?  Now go lay down.  You just got a workout.

That’s sad isn’t it.

Yeah…..

Sometimes a brain is needed.  Even in advertising.  Perhaps the Creative Director was a bitter infertile?  I like to think so…

I think my show is better…

OK.  I’ve been super crazy busy this week.  I think that is probably a good thing.  Life always seems to seem more fabulous when you’re busy.  Like you must be important or something if you are constantly running around.  People need you.  The world depends on you and you alone.  Without you, people would be dying, babies would be crying, continents would crumble.  (too far?  Yeah ok…)

Well anyway, this week has been eventful.  Lots of work to do and fun to be had.  I went out with the ladies on Monday night and ate myself an Indian.  No really.  I rolled out of the restaurant dying.  I don’t think I’ve ever been so full.  I love Mondays.

Wednesday I went to a comedy night sponsored by my work.  It was super awesome fun.  Laughing is always good.  And when its accompanied by an open bar, free food, and big comedians, I can’t think of a better way to spend a school night.

Mark and I seem to have settled down.  Not that we’re all lovey dovey and gross cute or anything.  We’re just avoiding that topic for now.  I think its good.  Let’s see if we still like each other before we get all work like and put effort into fixing it.  So far, so good.  I will admit that the thoughts in my head go back and forth like Heidi and Spencer on “I’m a celebrity get me out of here!”  which by the way, is the biggest waste of an hour of my life each day but I have tuned in every night?  Why?  Why God do I need to slow down for car accidents?  I don’t even like those people…

Anywho… I’m kinda boring right now.  Not really.  Not at all actually.  But based on my last few weeks of live action dramatic theater, I’d put this week at a 2 on the scale.

Unless you get me going about Spidie.  Ugh….that does it.  Head.  Boiling.  Heart.  Racing.

I got nothin.

Hmm. You know how when you don’t talk to a good friend for long enough you can’t just call them up because the convo will take forever and you need to have the time to have it?  This is where we’re at.

So much has happened and yet I don’t feel like talking about any of it.  The funeral is finally over.  It was crazy.  It took me the whole week to get over the madness of it.  I guess on the upside, it was such a circus that I didn’t have to cry about my Grandpa?  OK not really an upside.

Mark is still here.  He missed me.  In fact, he’s back in my bed.  We went from starting to divide up our stuff to planning a backyard project.  The roller coaster is making me crazy yes.  And my face is paying the price.  I look like a hormonal teenager with pimples.

That’s all I got for now.  Not all that exciting.  Me boring.

O wait. We need to talk about something else.

Today is my Grandpa’s funeral.  Did you all forget about him?  You did right?  Its ok.  Its my fault.  I can’t seem to spread my crapness out evenly.  I’m sorry.  I’ll work on it ok?

I am going to be spending the next 4 days down with my family.  We have the funeral, a memorial, a burial, some sort of party, a church service, probably a circus and I think I heard something about a concert?  I’ve been referring to this extravaganza as funeralpalooza.  I mean really?  4 days?

I plan on being the drunk in the corner the whole time.  Who’s going to stop me?  And if they do?  O well wont they feel pretty foolish when I bark back with tails of my husband leaving me for no reason and divorce.

…I said I’d work on separating out the crap.  Its a process.