Archive for the 'Monster' Category

Holy Christmica, its all over!

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Cats in sinks again.

I’ll never understand it.  This crazy body language that our cat speaks.  Its so obscure.  Its times like these that I wish I was a scientist and could invent the World’s first animal translator.  Man I could be rich if I did that.

Then I could (probably) afford to make a baby.  Damn you Monster and your crazy language.  Damn you!!!!

Do you think she’s trying to tell me something?

I can’t quite translate her special cat language, but I guess maybe I should give her water or something?  Its such a complicated form of communication.  This could take years to interpret.

What?

It’s cold

Monster has not moved from this spot for 5 days. We can’t decide if she’s keeping the mouse out (that’s living in the heater) or she’s just freakin cold. Probably a little of both.

monster.jpg

While we love San Francisco and its really old buildings, we’ve discovered that living in one of them has its own set of challenges. You see, Monster is bogarding our only form of heat which is so graciously heating the hallway. This hallway is about 45 feet long and fairly toasty, but if you want to be toasty and sleep, eat, watch tv, shower, pee, blog or just hang out, you really would be best served somewhere else. Monster is a balmy 90 degrees if you touch her and she couldn’t be happier.

If I can avert your attention to the large black hole under the heater for a second. This is where the mouse lives. We have never ever seen it, but its there. One look at Monster’s face after any mysterious noises tells us all we need to know.

Do you think that the years of bitching that she isn’t earning her keep have finally sunk in?

That’ll do, Monster. That’ll do.

Monster pute takeover

Hey guys. Its me again. I snagged the pute.

I’m exhausted. All this craptacular nonsense goin on around here is really wearin me down. My mommy is upset, my daddy is upset. Even my dog is upset. Its a regular shit factory over here and there’s only so much cute I have in me. I’m running out of adorable material.

As for that pesky mouse? Don’t worry ladies, I’m on it. I haven’t let that thing out of the heater. I’ll go all kinds o crazy on it if it tries to disrespect my authority. Have you smelled what the Monster is cookin? No? Rat dummy. I’m cookin a rat in the heater. Geesh.

I’ll try to catch up with you guys later. Its tough cause I have to wait until Daddy is distracting Mommy with something. Right now they’re cleaning up the ants that decided to join the rat parade. I believe the dog’s food has been compromised. Mommy hates ants so this is a big deal. Her world is crumbling around her (or at least her perfect abode). Crap there’s that damn rat….

Catch ya later, ladies. Peace out.

Feline pute takeover

Hey guys, my mommy is too cold to post so I’m filling in for her.  She doesn’t know this, but I have mastered the art of typing through years of managing and editing my own website, monster.com.  I usually try to keep my side job on the down low though.  My parents are total moochers who would absolutely go Kato on me if they knew.  Besides, they’re pretty good at taken care of me so that saves me the cost of a caretaker.  Lowers the company overhead if ya know what I’m sayin.

Its cold here today.  Damn cold.  Not in the negatives like some of you crazy bitches are used to but cut us some slack, man, we’re from California.  Southern Cali at that.  We have no business gallivanting in 40 degrees.  Its like the coldest day we’ve ever seen.  Even if it is 49.   Here.  I’ll show you how this cold effects me:

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Do you think I look fat in this?  You do?  Damn you ladies are hard core.  I mean we just met.

Anyway, my mommy left her pute on and I didn’t feel like reading through regional SEO stats, click through comparisons, and abandonment page maps.  My site can live without me for one day.

So hope you all find what you’re lookin for.  You all seem pretty nice…even if you did call me fat.

And hey, we need to keep this monster.com stuff between us.  If she ever found out, I think I’d have to start buying my own food and cleaning my own poop.  Who needs that kinda pressure?

Werd,

Monster


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