Day 1

Mark is gone.  He’s really gone.  Word’s cant even explain how disgusting and horrible I feel here.

Sunday afternoon I found coke in a small little piggy bank that I gave him.  Two baggies.  While this was a horrific discovery, it turned out to be only the beginning of what has been the worst week of my life.  Some rudimentary digging uncovered what I like to call:  a big fucking crap pile on top of a pile of shit.

Apparently our missing money can be found snuggly nested inside the nasal passages of Mark’s nose.  Along with thousands of dollars his parents secretly sent to him.

There is also a girl.  Her name is Jane.  I feel as though we have become really close through the 3 messages that she left him on his phone.  We’re like bff’s now.  Although being that we don’t seem to understand each other when it comes to our thoughts, belief systems or sobriety, I see this friendship being short lived.

It also seems as though all these meetings Mark has been attending as of late were more like Alcoholic’s Alliance rather than Anonymous.  He hasn’t been seen at a meeting in weeks.  By anyone.  And his old sponsor that seemed to pop back up in the picture to “help him get through his job loss”..well?  He hasn’t heard from Mark in years.

With all this pirate treasure of information, change had to happen.  I mean really.  I didn’t exactly have a choice here.  An intervention was planned.  His father flew out here.  We staged a meeting behind Mark’s back to surprise him.  Everyone was involved.  Mark freaked the fuck out.

He had two choices:  1.  go back to NY with his father and straight to the rehab facility that we lined up for him.  Bags already packed.  Planes already booked.  2.  Get out and never come back.  Locks changed.  Police called.

He ran away.  Called his bff junkie dealer who turned on him.  Came back.  Got on plane.  No lookin back.  HATES me.

I know I did the right thing.  I absolutely did.  It’s single handedly the hardest thing I have ever done.  (and probably will ever)

Time to start over.  I’m terrified.


14 Responses to “Day 1”

  1. 1 Orodemniades September 12, 2009 at 5:13 pm


    I’m sorry it had to be this way…but it’s plain that at this point you’re better on your own. He’s got issues that have nothing to do with you. What is it they say:

    When you see trouble coming, cross the road

  2. 2 Jessica September 12, 2009 at 6:21 pm

    You certainly made the right decision. Now it’s time to heal…and then move on to a happier, healthier life. 🙂

  3. 3 anne nahm September 12, 2009 at 6:53 pm

    I can’t make the D: face big enough font to express how much I’m making it while reading this post right now. Good for you for taking action! I am so sorry this is happening.

  4. 4 Andie September 13, 2009 at 12:43 am

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know you’re scared. You absolutely did the right thing, for him and for you.

    I know it’s tough right now, but it will get better.

    Thinking of you.

  5. 5 Jason September 13, 2009 at 3:03 am

    hi from France! Wow – that sounded horrible – urgh… Can’t begin to even imagine how difficult/horrible that must have been… You did the right thing (I mean there’s nothing else you sensibly *could* have done after recent revelations…?) Thinking of you – see you when I get back to the States x

  6. 6 meg September 13, 2009 at 7:02 am

    I am so so so sorry. Even thought it was the right decision, I am sure it was a hard decision and maybe one of the hardest you will ever make. Thinking of you.

  7. 7 Jendeis September 13, 2009 at 8:53 am

    I am so so sorry. You are so dang strong. Here for you, thinking of you. Hugs.

  8. 8 Alex September 13, 2009 at 1:52 pm

    Wow…sorry to hear things got even worse around there. Or maybe better, since he is getting the help he needs and you are as well.

    He might hate you know, but after he sobers up he will likely be grateful. And it will be up to you to decide if you’ve had enough and can trust him again. Thats probably going to be even harder.

    Stay strong.

  9. 9 Heidi September 13, 2009 at 8:24 pm

    You are so strong. I don’t comment much on your blog, but I wanted you to know that I am often amazed at your strength.

    Stay strong. Sending you strength love and lots of hope.

  10. 10 kimberly September 14, 2009 at 8:47 am

    Oh gosh, I am sorry.

    You made the right decision. I think you are brave and strong, even if you don’t always feel that way, and he probably didn’t deserve all that you gave to him but you can always know that you did your best, which was pretty damn good.

  11. 11 MFA Mama September 14, 2009 at 9:51 am

    You did all the right things and that’s all you can do. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

  12. 12 cibele September 14, 2009 at 10:12 am

    Even though our stories are different I know how it feels to have to start over and I feel your pain. You did the right thing. HUGS . I am very sorry

  13. 13 journalwife September 14, 2009 at 1:57 pm

    Hey there,
    I am literally shaking after reading your post.
    My blog originally began with my infertility journey and today I am preparing an entry about how we staged an intervention yesterday for my husband and he will be leaving tomorrow.
    I decided to tag surf first about rehab and lo behold, I found your post.
    I don’t know what to say to strenghen you because that’s what I was originally looking for when tag surfing. But if you ever want to talk or trade notes – I would love to.
    Good Luck!!


  14. 14 Sophie September 14, 2009 at 5:32 pm

    Here from LFCA. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this crap. Absolutely you did the right thing, but seriously to be put in the position to do this sucks monumentally. Read your other posts about his parents enabling him… that’s just awful. You’re doing the right thing. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. His friends sound great. He is very lucky.

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