Archive for the 'strange google' Category

What does aunt flo mean?

So as you can see, I’m catching up on my lovely google friends today and while the last term was rather disturbing (and happens to be the most popular way to get to BabyBound as of late) this one just makes me giggle.

Dear floless,

Thank you for sending in your question.  It isn’t often that I get asked anything of such importance so I will certainly do my best to answer with as much detailed knowledge and professionalism as possible.

Aunt flo:  Aunt flo is your period.  Well, its someone’s period as I am not aware of your sexual makeup or age. Seeing as the topic of womanly business tends to scare off men, boys, children, all animal forms within earshot, we awesome ladies have come up with all kinds of ways to creep it into conversation under the radar.  Aunt flo, our little friend, crimson tide, monthlies, on the rag, big red, miss dot, the dreaded dragon, up on blocks, bloody mary, royal flood, the curse, TOM (time of the month), and on and on.

While Flo could be that weird aunt you have that lives far away and sends you $5 cash in a card for your birthday every year, its also pretty descriptive for what is going on down in your nether regions on a somewhat regular basis if you’re a chick.

I, for one, get visits from this little bitch on a far to frequent basis these days after years and years of neglect.  Its like she’s making up for lost time and I’d rather we just cut our losses and move on.

I hope this helps, my sadly un urbanly educated friend.  If anyone would like to add more detail, feel free.

Your friend,



What the?

O shut the fuck up.  Really?!?!?!?!

The number one search term that gets to my site right now is ABY.  Like…dozens of hits a day from these 3 little letters.  Confused?  Yeah so was I.  Obviously I googled it myself.

Umm.  Aby is some sort of weird term for adults that still where diapers.

Now.  I know I have had the world’s longest period but I promise you it did not involve a diaper.  Nor does this blog.  Have I ever discussed diapers?  Ever?

I really need to pay more attention to this blog don’t I?

To all you diaper lovers out there….stop picturing me in one and maybe we can be friends.  Wait.  No screw that you’re too weird even for me.

An unwelcome visitor

Hey miss “miscarriage by voodoo” googler.  You are not welcome here.

Sure.  There is plenty of information here about miscarriage.  Loads of it.  How it can happen, reflections on why, the feelings that accompany one, the raw and very real emotions that I have reeked of from time to time.  But never in my 186 posts have I given a single instruction as to how to cause one.    Sadly for you, voodoo queen, I do not see one forthcoming.

Miscarriage is not a pretty thing.  Its rather ugly, in fact, both emotionally and physically.  Horror movies got nothing on the blood loss, screaming and disgusting aftermath that is a miscarriage.  Us lovely winners of the grand prize – a miscarriage. please keep up Miss Voodoo –  have all kinds of fun details that we would just love to throw out at parties, but apparently that’s socially unacceptable.

Miss Voodoo, if you are on the market for revenge on someone, may I suggest you call them fat?  No?  Not strong enough?  How about a poopy diaper in the tailpipe?  I hear those voodoo dolls full of pins in the hoohaa are fun.  What about a string of hang up calls every hour for a month?  That would surely break her down.

In summary, Miss Voodoo, there are so many better options.  Wishing a miscarriage on someone is basically murder.  Obviously not worthy of conviction, but the killing of a human being, a dream, a woman’s mental stability, a future all the same.  If I have failed at persuading you to take the high road, then please take your voodoo somewhere else.  I’ve had enough pain for an army.

Ouch!  Did you just put a pin in my vagarnicle?  Damn you Miss Voodoo!  Damn you!

Babybound porn?

So which one of you out there was searching for “skanky whores”?  No?  No takers?  Nobody is willing to admit to it?

Well I know that one of you did.  Did you find what you were looking for?  I realize that there isn’t much valuable information here on this blog for you, searcher of skanky whores, but hey, you came here.  Nobody sent out the invitation.

Were you expecting images?  Sorry.  We’re more about vaginas in the medical sense.  You wont find much to pleasure your senses.  That is, unless you’re into the complicated workings of the female reproductive system.  You get your rocks off to the scientific make up of the uterus during the making of a human being (AKA the miracle of life)?

That’s sick dude.  Sick.

1 800 don’t kill yourself…

I’m so busy today, I could spit. I’ve been goin nuts all day and running around like a crazy person. Well, a different kind of crazy then usual. What a day, what a day.

I finally get a chance to sit down and check my bloggy blog and I notice that someone has done a particularly disturbing google search to get here. Will the creator of “I have to die today” please raise your hand? You don’t need to be shy, we’re all very friendly here.

I am so sorry to hear that one of you out there feels that today is the day. I really, truly do hope that this is not so for you. Obviously you are having a hard time right now and in need of some comfort. Perhaps reading about the shitfest that is my life will help bring you off the ledge? Please try, ender of one’s life. Try. Maybe this image of daisies will cheer you up:

Not working? Well then maybe you are looking for something a bit stronger:

Since I’m not sure what your poison is, I’ve gathered a selection.

We have all had those days. Believe me, when I had my miscarriage, I thought about my “accidental” death every other minute. But there are options for you. Meds and booze work for me. Not necessarily together. But possibly.

Anyway, I couldn’t resist a shout out to someone requesting to end it all today. I’m sorry. Please don’t.

OK back to my zillion things to do….anyone figured out how to clone me yet? No? Well then get on that please!

NOTE:  nowhere in this post do I mean that one should “poison” themselves with booze and drugs.  That is absolutely NOT WHAT I’M SAYING HERE.  Being that I have fielded phone calls today from friends ready to abandon me in the woods for such remarks, I felt it was a good idea to respond.

Nobody should ever kill themselves. Its simply NOT the answer.

Thanks a lot google

Search term of the day:  pregnancy pictures

What the fuck do I know about pregnancy pictures?!?!

I didn’t think it was possible for a silly little search term to actually make me angry.  These are suppose to be funny to me.  Nope.  Not today.  Google is just kickin me while I’m down.

Stupid Google.

Milk for Coffee

Somebody searched this term and landed on my blog?  Milk?  Coffee?  Interesting.  The internet is fascinating isn’t it?

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