OK no. Seriously now for a sec. Really.

I spent the entire day with my parents yesterday.  Just me, Sandy and them.  We went to lunch, shopped, looked at their new house and swapped design ideas.  I named a video game for my dad (coming out next fall.  Don’t worry, I’ll totally take all kinds o credit for it when its out.)  All in all it was a lovely day.  Sandy had fun, I had fun.

But in case anyone is doing the math, we were short one.  Mark.  He wasn’t there.  Why?  Well that would be because we are in a fight.  Some sort of strange volcano of a fight that gurgled under the surface for quite some time and then spewed its vinegar and baking soda goodness all over the fucking place.  That’s right folks.  Its messy and I am not even sure yet if I have the right cleaning products.

I don’t want to fight with Mark.  I don’t.  But I think this one has been sitting there for a while.  We’re both frustrated and scared and pissed off at all the crap that’s happened to us over the past 2 years and we haven’t ever fought it out. I blame him fer stuff, he blames me fer stuff.  We keep stuff to ourselves.  And BLAM.  I’m now covered in fake volcano goo.

I’m not sure how it will end up.  I’m a little scared that this fight is bigger than me.  Mark has held in years of anger.  Not even all of it towards me.  But I’m a great dart board and he’s throwin.  (and for anyone who doesn’t get me, Mark is not actually throwing darts or any other projectiles in my direction.  There is no need to call anyone.)

It started out with yelling.  Then Mark was “moving out”.  Then Mark was going to do “whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted and not be married anymore”.  Then there was a little more yelling.  Right now?  There’s a lot of silence.  Not talking.  Not spending one second in the same room with one another.

Fights are normal right?  Everyone fights.  Mark and I rarely fight.  And this is one helluva crazy big fight.  I’m not at all happy with Mark’s attitude or reactions.  He’s clearly not good at this.  I’m trying not to get too engaged in his insanity.  Its hard.

They’re normal.  Everyone fights.           …Right?


5 Responses to “OK no. Seriously now for a sec. Really.”

  1. 1 Emma April 6, 2009 at 4:32 pm

    oh kathy…i’m so sorry ya’ll are fighting. yes, fights are normal. every single relationship will have it’s ups and downs…and each dynamic works through them differently.

    i think that all of us here in blogland have at least one thing in common, we like to write out our thoughts and feelings. maybe you can do that for mark. sit down and take some serious time to write out what you really need him to hear. that way, mark can read it in his own time and really let your words sink in without voices being raised or someone leaving the room.

    acknowledge his point of view and feelings as well in a way that is constructive and not attacking. write and rewrite it until you’ve expressed everything you want to get across in a productive way. don’t forget the good points too. ya’ll have made it through some really tough times, that’s proof that you can have the commitment to make it through this too.

    i wish big kid fights could be resolved like they were in kindergarten. all we had to be told was, “now hug and make up”…that was the end of it and the world was right again. ahh ignorance really is bliss.

    i hope everything works out kathy.

  2. 2 mkwewer April 7, 2009 at 6:26 am

    My husband and I never fought before we lost the babies. Then we would get angry and mad at each other for little things, stupid things…all because one of us would be holding in what was really bothering them. Now we go to therapy once a week. We talk about everything. We cry, we get mad and then we move on. And we don’t fight.

    I think you need to suggest some couples’ counseling for the two of you. What you’ve both been through, it’s hard and there is no handbook, no manual for how to deal.

    Keep your head up…

  3. 3 b April 7, 2009 at 10:45 am

    I like how you put in a little “don’t call the laws, he’s not really beating me” blurb. : ) Everyone fights and no marriage is perfect.

    P.S. If he ever DOES start throwing darts or any other objects at you, I will break his knee caps. : )

  4. 4 Leslee April 7, 2009 at 2:18 pm

    Everyone fights. Proof of that is that your previous post describe my and my husband at various stages throughout the last three years since starting ART. To a T. After our first failed IVF cycle it was the worst. My husband and I recently found ourselves back there, where you are right now. It sucked. I felt like my world was collapsing in on itself. Then one afternoon, while crying while doing dishes, hyperventilating at the thought he might say he doesn’t want to be with me anymore, I realized that I wanted to be with him and needed to make sure that he knew that before things got any worse. It was a difficult talk, but it was very worth it.

    Hang in there. You’ll figure things out as long as you both give yourselves the space and time to do so.

  5. 5 meg April 8, 2009 at 7:42 am

    Everyone does fight! And I hope things settle down soon.

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