Archive for the 'PCOS' Category

No babies for me

Cycle canceled indefinitely.

No children for me.

Husband’s medication made his swimmers all die unexpectedly.

Planning massive funeral for 100 million deaths.

Need  copeus amounts of alcohol.

Going into a cave….I’ll come out eventually….

Day 1

Well?  Today is day one of bcp’s.  This must mean that somewhere out there, my baby is livin it up in some sort of scientific experiment somewhere waiting for me.  Perhaps he’s clubbing with Baby J?  Well, keep it clean boys.  Keep.  It.  Clean.  Baby J has to get to work soon and I’m pretty sure there is a pee test or something.

I love to drive by Dr. Babymaker’s office from time to time and say “hey my baby is being made in that building.”  Even though its not actually true.  It will be someday, but its not true right now.  But just for shiggles…I do it.  Only if I’m driving with someone that knows about this whole dowrey we’re offering to God in exchange for a child of some odd sort.  Hey Baby J, wanna put in a good word with your pops for me?  If you’re lucky I’ll let my baby go bar hopping with you.  Might even throw in some ones……just somethin ta think about…..

I got a kick out of the little note on my perscription today that read “Don’t take the green ones!!”  Is this the Matrix?  Or Alice in Wonderland?  I can’t decide, but either way, I think the green ones make you giant.  Or forget?  Crap I better not take em.

Time to tighten those purse straps. (I have no idea what that means.)

Met with the financial coordinator at the baby factory today.  Holy Christnickles.  There goes the 50″ flat screen my boss and husband seem to think we should get.  (Being that my boss has about as much knowledge of our personal finances as Mark does, I’d say they can both suck it.)

This cycle is costing us quite a bit more than the last 800 we’ve done.  Why?  Well times are tough for everyone, yo.  Somebody has to pay for Doctor Miracle’s kids to go to summer camp next year.  And the year after.  And…wait let’s face it, I’m payin for those kids to go to college.  I damn well better get a thank you card.

Looks like BabyBound is stickin to a list and checking it twice this Christmas….do you think I can get Doc Miracle’s kids to take care of me when I’m old?

Its time to go.

Is everyone ready?  Do you need to go potty before the IVF appointment?  Well let’s just try ok?  I’ll try too.

I know its just the first consultation appointment and that I have close to zero questions about what is about to happen to my body over the next 60 days, but its still a big step for us.  We’ve been so gun shy about this since the dead baby vacuum suckin.

I was checkin out the doc online again today and it reminded me of all that awesome stuff I’ve been missing out on.  I have to admit, I kinda got excited to have my boobs get 2 sizes bigger and all those pesky little cysts get 2 sizes smaller (well, in comparison to the ridiculously giant eggs I plan on producing).  It makes my stomach all giggly inside to picture what my ass will look like after precisely 62.5 shots of foriegn, man made hormones diluted in oils that should be in my frying pan, not my ass.  Can’t you just picture that huge black bruise already???  O and let’s not forget my arm.  Yayayay my arm with little itchy bumps from lupron!  Its too bad its winter so I can’t show them off around the office and cause some fun little rumors about my newly acquired, upper-arm drug habit (I have been acting a little off lately…).  Damn.

So here we go!  On your mark…get set…

Wait.  Did you go potty?

Let’s get ready to rock and roll

November 25th.  11am.

Mark this date on your calendars ladies because the party is about to begin!

So yeah.  This blog claims to be about the wonders of infertility.  And yeah, it aspires to cover every last detail of the journey.

So what if in the last 360 posts over approximately 431.5 days there hasn’t been one mention of an actual IVF cycle.  So what if 90% of what has been written here is simply rubbish.

That’s all about to change folks.

We’re doing it.  We’re goin in.  Nov 25th is the start of round 8,456 trillion.

Everyone raise your needles for a little toast…I’m finally one of you again.  Er.  Cheers?

This seems fair

I see absolutely no flaw in this agreement.  This baby machine Kelly better get off her ass and start producing so I don’t have to drag her into court and wave this legally binding contract in her face.

Don’t make me do it K.  Get to work!

You’ll never eat strawberries again…sorry

OK so I made it.  And damn it if I don’t have one set of balls for braving the snow storm without a jacket.  I walked away with nothing more then a cold.  Well, a cold and just about the heaviest most disgusting period this side of the Mississippi.  Yeah.  I’m talkin girly nasty stuff so any (if any) and all readers with real balls may discontinue your subscription to BabyBound for this one post without penalty.

I really feel compelled to share my bloody mass as its kinda freakin me out and I’m hoping for some lovely comments in the area of “o don’t worry that happened to me once.  I totally soaked through 2 pads and a heavy flow tampon in less then 2 hours all day and night for 3 days straight followed by 1 lightish day and then never left the toilet for 2 hours while the rest of my reproductive system made a run for it”.  Please?  Anyone?

For the last 5 days I’ve gone through every pare of undies I own and expelled at least a gallon of goop.  That’s right.  Goop.  Clots galore.  Anyone in the market for some creepy Halloween horror props can sidle up to the BabyBound period bar.  I can definitely accommodate you.  No need to hurry.  Trust me.  There’s plenty to go around.

What the hell Flo?  I have been so good to you.  No baby meds.  No testing.  Not even one single obsessive egg thought.  So why is it that I am expelling more innards now then I did when squirting out 2 babies?  If I didn’t know any better, I’d think I might possibly be giving birth to them all over again?  First I beg for you, now I plead for you to find another womb to camp out in.  Can’t we just learn to live together in harmony?

I’m going to call Doc first thing in the morning and get in as soon as I can so anyone ready to tell me to do so can save your fingers.  I swear my entire baby house has been peed out my vagina by now and we’re working on my lower intestines.  If this keeps up, I’ll be a shell with nothing left on the inside but some fat.  Cause you know the fat will stick around.  That lazy fucker wouldn’t dare just leave.

Please someone tell me they have squirted out clots the size of a large strawberry before.  You have right?


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