Make a list and check it twice.

K.  I’m not less crazy today.  Still nutso.  Just a day older and probably have deeper wrinkles.

Here’s my pledge to myself – for the next 5 days, I will:

Ignore work.  Get drunk.  Eat too much.  Take up a drug addiction.  Perhaps crack.  Have random, meaningless sex with strangers.  Get accidentally pregnant.  Find a new thing to freak out about – who the hell is the father??  Call Maury Povich.  Look into food stamps.  Learn how to make my own crack to cut out the middle man.  Have a crack baby.  Go to hell.  Vacation at Promises and do lunch with Dr. Drew  (yummy).  Decide which one of my children from work I am willing to throw under the bus to save my own ass.  Find a nanny for my crack baby so I can get my ass back to work – now is not the time to be takin maternity leave am I right ladies??.  Set up a spreadsheet to calculate out the price I can get for all my Christmas presents when I’m layed off and then start “downsizing” with the most unwanted stuff first, probably the scented candles from Mark’s mom (sorry, but I really hate vanilla scented stuff).  Teach my crack baby how to make soup out of boiled water, a rock and some cheese wrappers.  Take up whoring.  And lastly, try to relax.

More or less….