Posts Tagged 'jobless'

Bookends

Life is strange.  Everything happens for a reason of course, but sometimes things happen that just make you wonder: what the fuck is going to happen next?

This was an extremely challenging week.  More of a shitstorm of sorts.  One of those weeks that make you have to look reeeeaaaally deep inside yourself to find the funny.  I can’t lie, I kinda flipped the fuck out.  For the first time in a really long time, I was physically unable to cope and almost needed loads of drugs, hospitalization sedation.  But while this may have seemed like the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through, after sleeping on it, I realized its not.  But even more personal reflection revealed that we been through this exact same shitstorm before.

Let me explain.  Bring on the bullets…

The year 2000 went a little something like this:

  • Mark and I began the year as a fairly new couple.
  • Mark was laid off from his job in Feb.
  • I was wrongfully let go from my job in March…which lead to a big lawsuit and months of hell (I won, but many bridges were burned…Make that exploded.)
  • The internet was falling apart so both of us were really struggling to find jobs.  Took 9 months.
  • Nov. we broke up.  Life was too hard.  We were both stressed, broke and unhappy.
  • In Dec. my Grandpa got very sick and spent Christmas in the hospital after an extremely difficult open heart surgery.
  • Also in Dec., my family seemed to be falling apart.  Lots of fighting, people not speaking to each other, my sister was estranged.
  • Life seemed over.  So much disappointment.  So much sadness.  So much loss.

Fast forward to 2009:

  • I started off the year in therapy with my family after a year and a half of estrangement.
  • In late Feb, my Grandfather had a major stroke.  Several weeks later, he passed away.
  • In March, the economy sunk to an all time low and unemployment started to soar.
  • Mark and I came this |<->| close to divorcing and spent a few months separated.
  • In June, I was laid off from my job.
  • This last week started out with my Grandma having a stroke and spending the entire week in the hosp.
  • Mark was wrongfully let go from his job (we’ve talked to an attorney, however we learned from last time.  We’re not going down that road again)
  • Just to make it interesting, our bank accounts were somehow hacked and almost all of our savings were completely drained.  Our accounts are now frozen and we have zero access to any of our money until the bank figures it out.

Anyone noticing a pattern here?  Like.  The same exact thing happening in reverse?  Are you as creeped out as I am?

Yesterday I spent most of the day completely incapacitated and unable to make a good decision.  It seemed as though my life was completely falling apart.  Mark and I have no jobs, no money (at the moment), and people in my family are dying.  How could this possibly end well?  But when I woke up this morning, I realized something important.  We came out of 2000 completely on top.  We made it.  In fact, we came out stronger, better, and happier. We both got great jobs, we got back together, we fell in love harder than ever before, and we eventually got married.

Things are tough right now, but not over.  And for some very strange reason, I take comfort in kind of knowing what will happen next based on history repeating itself – in reverse.  1999 was an awesome year.  I was so happy.  Had a great job.  Made lots of money.  Met the man of my dreams.  Was thin.  Lived a super glamorous life.  O and I was thin.  Did I mention that?  I can only imagine that 2010 has to be similar right?  Rather than focus on the unbelievable hand that we have been dealt this year, I am finding myself getting really excited about the future.  The awesome job I should be getting soon.  The happiness I will be experiencing with my husband.  Perhaps even a baby?

Anyway, there are always two ways to look at things:  the “holy fuck everything sucks” way and the “what can I learn from this” way.  I chose learning.  And because of this, I’m not letting the storm take me.

…and of course I get to be thin again right?

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We are the er..champions?

It’s not that I don’t love my blog.  It’s that I have so very little to do these days that doing anything at all seems too daunting.

For the last few days, I have awaken to a day of pretty much nothing to do, then filled it up with lunches, pedicures, shopping, working out, and yes.  Even a facial.  I know I know.  Gross right?  I have totally turned into a trophy wife.

Today – midst my fully loaded social calendar – I lunched with a fellow trophy.  As we sat and discussed our miserable boring glamorous new lifestyle over a ginormous pile of the world’s best french fries, we discovered that we are both suffering from very similar angst over our professional futures.  What the heck are we going to do?

Trophy #2 currently has 2 children.  Both under 2.  While she struggles to balance being a Mom, a Director and a Sex Goddess of a Trophy, she’s finding it difficult to even out the spread.  And frankly, she doesn’t want to.  Me either?  Maybe somebody is trying to tell us something?

I absolutely love what I do.  I love my job.  I love the path I have chosen.  But I am really finding it uninspiring (and somewhat depressing) to imagine working for yet another web company building yet another website/team/company/panel of children.  It’s not my love right now.  It’s not where my head is at.  I want to try something else.  Something new.

But what?

O wow, I didn’t think I’d get these questions again.

OK let’s just put it out there. Now that I don’t have a job, it seems to be pretty obvious to everyone but me that I’m suppose to have a kid. “Maybe this was God telling you to focus on a family now.” “You should take this time to get pregnant.”

While arguably, pregnancies seem to gravitate towards the jobless, homeless and crack addicted, I’m pretty sure this isn’t exactly prime time for baby makin. I know it kinda looks like it. What with all my bon bon eating and tv watching and all. But the last time I checked, babies still liked diapers and food and stuff.

Actually, money isn’t really even the reason this seems like the absolute worst time. When people tell me to have a baby, I just keep getting visions of me, sitting in an office – interviewing for my next job – wearing a black tent (because I don’t think I’ve ever seen interview maternity clothes…should tell you something people) while rubbing my giant pregnant belly. Trying to convince someone to hire you because you are more qualified for the position and extremely dedicated to your career becomes rather difficult don’t ya think? I don’t think I can be that convincing if I need to leave halfway through to barf. And the tent might be distracting.

…oh and there’s still that pesky IVF cost.


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