…in other news:

So I realize that I sound like an emo teenager lately but I assure you, I haven’t started overdoing the black mascara and adding safty pins to my clothes.  Its simply not a good look for me and frankly I’m way too blond and preppy to pull it off.  While I am sad as hell and cry a lot, I’m not suicidal.  I mean please, that just sounds messy and if I’m dead who will clean it up?  I can’t live out eternity knowing I left a mess.

I’d love to be able to write a whole post right now about puppies and kittens and rainbows, but I can’t.   If happy is what you’re looking for, I suggest you just skip this one.

Remember back a million years ago in March when my Grandfather had a stroke?  Yeah I know, I totally stopped talkin about that didn’t I?  Well just to catch you up, he’s been in ICU, regular room, ICU, rehab facility, 2nd rehab facility, and now hospice has stepped in.  He isn’t getting better and has no chance of recovering from this.  While he’s still alive, he’s not living any sort of quality of life.  He can’t talk, walk, sit up, breath on his own, or eat.  Its been 2 months of pretty horrible living in my opinion.

It was decided yesterday that we will be removing his feeding tube today.  Which in case anyone is anorexic and doesn’t realize, means he will die.  He is going to be kept very comfortable and will not suffer at all, but I’m afraid its over for my Grandpa.  We don’t know exactly what will happen or how long, but its soon.  Like, within the week.

This is going to be the first death in my immediate family ever.  All of my Grandparents are still alive.  That has been something that I have felt very honored to have.  I’m pretty close with all 4 of them and always have been.  Even when I wasn’t speaking to my parents, I still made sure to regularly see my Grandparents.  While I absolutely know that this is the right thing to do and that my Grandpa lead a very good life and would want it this way, its hard.  I’m really sad.  I’m going to spend this weekend with him and talk to him as much as I can.  This will be the last time I see him alive.