Bookends

Life is strange.  Everything happens for a reason of course, but sometimes things happen that just make you wonder: what the fuck is going to happen next?

This was an extremely challenging week.  More of a shitstorm of sorts.  One of those weeks that make you have to look reeeeaaaally deep inside yourself to find the funny.  I can’t lie, I kinda flipped the fuck out.  For the first time in a really long time, I was physically unable to cope and almost needed loads of drugs, hospitalization sedation.  But while this may have seemed like the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through, after sleeping on it, I realized its not.  But even more personal reflection revealed that we been through this exact same shitstorm before.

Let me explain.  Bring on the bullets…

The year 2000 went a little something like this:

  • Mark and I began the year as a fairly new couple.
  • Mark was laid off from his job in Feb.
  • I was wrongfully let go from my job in March…which lead to a big lawsuit and months of hell (I won, but many bridges were burned…Make that exploded.)
  • The internet was falling apart so both of us were really struggling to find jobs.  Took 9 months.
  • Nov. we broke up.  Life was too hard.  We were both stressed, broke and unhappy.
  • In Dec. my Grandpa got very sick and spent Christmas in the hospital after an extremely difficult open heart surgery.
  • Also in Dec., my family seemed to be falling apart.  Lots of fighting, people not speaking to each other, my sister was estranged.
  • Life seemed over.  So much disappointment.  So much sadness.  So much loss.

Fast forward to 2009:

  • I started off the year in therapy with my family after a year and a half of estrangement.
  • In late Feb, my Grandfather had a major stroke.  Several weeks later, he passed away.
  • In March, the economy sunk to an all time low and unemployment started to soar.
  • Mark and I came this |<->| close to divorcing and spent a few months separated.
  • In June, I was laid off from my job.
  • This last week started out with my Grandma having a stroke and spending the entire week in the hosp.
  • Mark was wrongfully let go from his job (we’ve talked to an attorney, however we learned from last time.  We’re not going down that road again)
  • Just to make it interesting, our bank accounts were somehow hacked and almost all of our savings were completely drained.  Our accounts are now frozen and we have zero access to any of our money until the bank figures it out.

Anyone noticing a pattern here?  Like.  The same exact thing happening in reverse?  Are you as creeped out as I am?

Yesterday I spent most of the day completely incapacitated and unable to make a good decision.  It seemed as though my life was completely falling apart.  Mark and I have no jobs, no money (at the moment), and people in my family are dying.  How could this possibly end well?  But when I woke up this morning, I realized something important.  We came out of 2000 completely on top.  We made it.  In fact, we came out stronger, better, and happier. We both got great jobs, we got back together, we fell in love harder than ever before, and we eventually got married.

Things are tough right now, but not over.  And for some very strange reason, I take comfort in kind of knowing what will happen next based on history repeating itself – in reverse.  1999 was an awesome year.  I was so happy.  Had a great job.  Made lots of money.  Met the man of my dreams.  Was thin.  Lived a super glamorous life.  O and I was thin.  Did I mention that?  I can only imagine that 2010 has to be similar right?  Rather than focus on the unbelievable hand that we have been dealt this year, I am finding myself getting really excited about the future.  The awesome job I should be getting soon.  The happiness I will be experiencing with my husband.  Perhaps even a baby?

Anyway, there are always two ways to look at things:  the “holy fuck everything sucks” way and the “what can I learn from this” way.  I chose learning.  And because of this, I’m not letting the storm take me.

…and of course I get to be thin again right?

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5 Responses to “Bookends”


  1. 1 Andie August 23, 2009 at 1:04 am

    I’m sorry you are going through all this – I hope your grandma pulls through.

    Glad you can look at it from the learning/positive side of things. You never know what great thing will be just around the corner.

  2. 2 anne nahm August 23, 2009 at 4:30 am

    I don’t even know what to say – this year sounds miserable. Take care. I think you must be right – 10 is gonna be awesome.

  3. 3 wifey August 23, 2009 at 7:47 pm

    I hope things end up okay with your grandma. And jeez, the whole bank thing sucks donkey balls. It takes something like that happening to make us realize how dependent we are on financial institutions.

  4. 4 meg August 24, 2009 at 6:29 am

    Wow… I hope everything calms down soon. So sorry you are going through all of this.

  5. 5 mkwewer August 27, 2009 at 7:26 am

    I tagged you for the Honest Scrap Award! Go to my blog and pick it up!


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