Mark Update

Is anyone else having a difficult time toggling between Mark and my Grandpa?  I’m finding it difficult to remember why I’m sad, who I’m thinking about, what the hell is going on, what day it is…I think this is what my brain looks like on overload.

Anyway.  Mark moved back home last night.  He’s been gone for 3 weeks.  After much discussion, crying, therapy and wine (for me of course), we decided that we were both committed to working this out.  Mark seems to have realized he hasn’t been handling this situation in an adult manor and has taken responsibility for it.  He recognizes that running away from the problem doesn’t solve it, it actually causes more problems.  (You know, simple stuff that most of us learned as children.)

I’m not completely sure how I feel yet.  On the one hand, I want to give Mark a chance to actually try now that he’s finally seeing that he’s a fuckwit.  On the other hand, I have already given him so many chances.  I don’t want to sound cliché, but this time actually is different.  (ew I’m rolling my eyes at myself too so you can all join me)  In the past there have been “I’m sorry”‘s, flowers, ass kissing, and slight temporary change.  There hasn’t ever been accountability, action, responsibility or genuine regret.  I haven’t ever heard Mark actually admit his mistakes and see him actively working to change his attitude.  This time, he’s been going to therapy, talking to his father every day, talking to me, and growing a set.  This is different.  Will it stay this way?  I don’t know.  And I’m not blindly moving forward assuming so either.  I need to see the momentum continue in the right direction before I let my guard down.

I told Mark that this was it.  This was his last chance.  If he ever walks out again, I will not take him back.  Period.

Then I spanked him, washed his mouth out with soap and sent him to the naughty mat for the night.

OK no I didn’t.  But I wanted to.

OK I didn’t really want to.

4 Responses to “Mark Update”

  1. 1 Melissa C April 29, 2009 at 4:38 pm

    Hey hon, glad to hear that you guys decided to give your marriage another try. Hang in there and hopefully this time the changes will stick. When it comes to how you feel about this whole thing, give it some time and plenty of room – you’ll probably feel great sometimes, and other times you’ll be wondering why are you even trying. Still praying for you and your grandpa 🙂

  2. 2 Jendeis April 30, 2009 at 5:53 am

    I’m hoping with you that this time is different, for you and for Mark. With some of the things you’ve been writing, it makes me remember the hardest points of my own marriage and that when I started feeling the things that you’ve been writing now, the marriage started to improve. I’m hoping and praying that this is the same case for you two.

    Many hugs and good wishes, good thoughts that your grandpa’s last days are peaceful and full of love.

  3. 3 b April 30, 2009 at 9:36 am

    HA! You totally wanted to spank him you wanna be wasp! : ) I’m glad he’s growing a set..he’ll need em to keep a good hold on you!

  4. 4 Courtney April 30, 2009 at 10:13 am

    I’m hopeful things will work out. Keeping you in my thoughts.

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