Le Grande Gesture

First we’re up, now we’re down.  It seems as though Mark has decided that he’s in charge here.  Ahhh sigh.  Men.  He has swung in the other direction again and “isn’t happy with the way he’s being treated”.  Because he’s 13.

Being treated?  You mean the fact that I actually answered a phone call from the lying SOB that walked out on me?  Or the fact that I agreed to go to the dog park with him assuming that this was a small gesture – when in fact it was nothing more than an errand to the dog park.  Or how about the fact that I actually showed up to therapy against my own better judgement in the hopes that there would be signs of progress.

I need the grand gesture here.  This man fucked up big time.  When you walk out on your wife, you can’t take that back.  Its there.  It will always be there.  And what do men do when they fuck up?  They buy stuff.  They try.  They apologize.  The kiss our ass.  Where is my kissing of the ass and diamond upgrade?  Why do I not qualify here?  I’m still getting “well this is as much your fault as it is mine” bullshit. This man should be kissing my fucking ASS.  And believe me, its plenty big.  He couldn’t possibly miss it.  I mean at the very least he should pick up the damn phone if I call.  Like immediately.

Sure there are two sides to a story.  And of course I play a part in this.  No I’m not perfect and yes I’ve done things that have fueled Mark’s anger here.  But until he actually communicates with me, how the fuck am I suppose to know?  I’m not a mind reader.  And I can’t fix this.

I’m afraid that we’re at a crossroad here.  One that doesn’t have happy endings in either direction.  Mark clearly doesn’t get it.  He doesn’t see how horribly fucked up he has been.  He doesn’t appreciate anything I’ve ever done for him and isn’t showing any signs of caring about me at all.  Quite frankly, he doesn’t seem to care much about anything other than getting to be back in his house.  I am forced with either putting up with his crap and letting this go or filing for divorce and losing everything I have (trust me, this economy is no time to be splitting up nothing).  Awesome.


6 Responses to “Le Grande Gesture”

  1. 1 Audrey April 20, 2009 at 5:36 pm

    I’ve been there with mine. Not the running out on you, stealing your money, taking off the ring, hanging with loser junkie part..the aftermath where he begs for forgiveness one second and blames you for being the asshole the next. No, mine has a whole other set of crimes on his rap sheet – including once threatening our unborn child’s life “just to show you”. I’d say run RUN RUN, but I never have so who am I to give advice, right? No, I’m posting because I’m curious what your therapist had to say about all of this.

  2. 2 christine April 20, 2009 at 8:11 pm

    I know it sucks when both paths lead to pain and unhappiness, but it is the opinion of some random person on the internet (that would be me) that you should take care of yourself and divorce the bastard.

  3. 3 Courtney April 21, 2009 at 5:36 am

    I have no advice, just support. I’m still reading, still wishing you well.

  4. 4 mkwewer April 21, 2009 at 6:07 am

    He did fuck up big time and if he isn’t going to take responsibility for that, he needs to go some place else until he does. I agree with the other posts – take care of yourself, make sure that you are covered in terms of money but I can’t tell you to get divorced, only you can make that decision. But you need to answer this: Can you live the rest of your life knowing that he may walk out again?

  5. 5 onemorebaby April 21, 2009 at 7:06 am

    I hope that someday (soon!) you will be able to look back and say “thank goodness I got out… because look at what I have now…” Hang in there, hun…

  6. 6 Jendeis April 21, 2009 at 8:42 am

    Hearing you, supporting whatever decision you make. Hugs!

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