Nothing to see here.

Things are the same but different.  There is no more money steeling, non-communication or anger.  Mark is not acting irrational and mean.  On the surface it might look like we are on the road to recovery but first impressions can be descietful.  Its almost as if I have some sort of internal bleed that isn’t noticable, but could take me out at any moment.  If that bleed was associated with a tapeworm, I’d kinda be into that.

I know I don’t deserve what happened.  Nobody does.  And I know that I should be with someone that treats me better.  I’m feeling confident that I will be someday.  What I’m not all that confident about is that I feel as though I could so easily get sucked back into the same old nonsense because its easier.  I don’t want to do that.  I’m too smart for that.  But at the same time, I’m a sucker for a good ending.  (Ew that just made me sound gross.)  I’m kinda scared that it will though.

So anyway, we have therapy tomorrow.   We’ll see how things go from there. 

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2 Responses to “Nothing to see here.”


  1. 1 Courtney April 18, 2009 at 8:24 pm

    I’ll say a prayer that you get some clarity and make the wise decision. I can’t imagine the position you’re in. I don’t think there’s one obvious/right/clear/best course of action. Keeping you in my thoughts.

  2. 2 Emily April 19, 2009 at 10:43 am

    Yes, I know I haven’t been commenting lately … but I’ve been reading. Wanted to let you know you’ve been in my thoughts. And only *YOU* know what’s best for you. And sometimes (oh, what the hell … *MOST* of the time) it’s not always the easiest path to take. Keep that in mind when making any decisions. That’s my two cents for the day.

    *HUGS*


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