Latest #2

Attention class, I need everyone to pick up your hour glasses and hold them out in front of you.  I said everyone, girl way way in the back.  There.  Now.  Turn it over.

And…here we are.

Mark is starting to become human.  I only say starting because to me, he’s still a really big insane monster that’s storing up all the good feelings of the world in his belly with a lil window so you can see in it, but can’t get anywhere near it without electroshock therapy.  I shall call him anger tubbie.

I’m guessing Mark finally decided that his awesome new life alone kinda sucked.  And that he made a mistake, that lead to another mistake, that then lead to at least a dozen, which cross referenced the first one, and branched off into their own, and so on.  And now he’s all like “o crap” and I’m all like “nah ah” and he’s all like “I’m sorry” and I’m like “too bad”.

Bad behavior has bad consequences.  I told Mark that sorry is a start, but not enough.  That he took this way too far.  He wanted to come home and I said absolutely not.  That he has a lot of growing up to do, trust to earn and feelings to make up for.  This isn’t something that can be easily fixed and at this point I’m not even sure it can be fixed at all.  That while he’s thinking about things in the short term, I’m thinking about them long term.  I need to consider my future, my children (bah!  ahh sigh), myself and that he is not the man I see in that future.  At least not now.  Not this Mark.

No man in my future will abandon me just because they are mad.  They will never leave me to care for their life while they go off and have fun taking a hiatus from it.  No man in my future is going to hang out with losers and junkies and make decisions based on advice that they give them.  Not my man.  Not going to happen.  My man is going to be just that.  A man.

I’m still meeting with a divorce attorney tomorrow.  It should be interesting.  I’m not sure what to expect, but at this point, I need to be prepared because over the last few days I have never felt so terrified and upset that I was going to be stranded and left with nothing.  I can’t go forward without arming myself with knowledge.

Do I hate Mark?  Of course not.  I love him.  The Mark I married.  Not man who abandons his wife, takes all the cash and goes clubbing without his ring on.  That man should die in a fire.  Or at least get burned.


6 Responses to “Latest #2”

  1. 1 Heather April 15, 2009 at 3:12 am

    I’m not quite sure what to say, other than “YOU GO, GIRL!” and that you’ve got to be one of the strongest women out there, hands down. This post comes across as so clear-headed, so articulate, and even in the midst of all the crap Mark has put you through, your sense of humor still shines through. Amazing.
    You. Are. Amazing.

    Good luck with your meeting with the divorce attorney…we’re all pullin’ for ya. 🙂

  2. 2 Courtney April 15, 2009 at 5:29 am

    All I can say is that I would probably be doing all the same things if I was in your shoes. You can’s just go back to ‘normal’ pretending nothing has happened.

    I wish you wisdom in deciding how to move forward. I know this is not a cut and dry situation.

  3. 3 Jendeis April 15, 2009 at 8:33 am

    I am so proud of you for taking care of yourself. You are doing great. Whatever you decide to do, we are all here for you.

  4. 4 brown-eyed-girl April 15, 2009 at 8:37 am

    That’s right girl! You stay strong!

  5. 5 b April 15, 2009 at 9:03 am

    He sounds like a recalcitrant teenager who took the car without permission. Whether you take him back..whatever..I don’t care. I’ll still be your friend, still support you. I do think he should have to earn his way back, and not just lie and say he’s sorry. He SHOULD be sorry, but you’ve gone a bit past that I think. I don’t think he should be grounded, or punished per say…nor do I think he should have to kiss your ass. I think that he has a lot of work to do on himself and that until he fixes himself, he doesn’t deserve you. Okay, maybe a little ass kissing..who doesn’t like that occassionally?

  6. 6 Jessica April 16, 2009 at 10:32 am

    Regardless of what you decide to do, you need to establish an emergency account in your name in case this happens again. An account you can access quickly (checking) that is in your name only. You have to look out for yourself as no one else, including your husband, is going to do it for you.

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