Am I too emotional? Umm fuck you?

Let me just talk here.  My turn.

My cousin is pregnant.  Accidentally pregnant.  Wait let me start over.  My fuckwit of a cousin with not a sense in her head, no job, no responsibility, no accountability, and no sense of reality is pregnant with some dude twice her age’s kid.  Fair?  No.

I dont even know where to begin with this one.  My family has somehow convinced themselves that she is faking it to get money and attention.  Is she?  Perhaps.  I guess we wont ever really know will we?   I mean obviously if she’s faking there will be no birth.  I mean this isn’t Days of our Lives here.  She can’t call in a look alike that just so happens to look identical to her and just so happens to be pregnant the exact same amount of time and needs like a place to live and $10.

She’d obviously have to fake a miscarriage as well.  And well?  That is pretty much the worst thing I think anyone can do to me – indirectly of course as I am not so self centered as to believe that her financial misfortune and stupid decisions have anything to do with me.  Accept that they fucking do when you fake baby killing for a buck.  Fuck you Sarah.  Fuck. You.

But is it possible that she’s not faking it?  Well.  I guess so.  Although I saw her on Thanksgiving while she bathed in 2 bottles of wine and smoked her ciggies.  At what is now known as her being 6 weeks preggers.  I obviously know enough about the miracle of pregnancy to know that its possible she didn’t know then.  But its also not exactly a clear cut case. If she’s not faking, OMG how terrible that everyone thinks she’s faking?  Wow.

I am pretty sure I will never know either way.  Frankly, I don’t really want to.  I’m mad enough as it is.  Mad that she fucked a grandpa with sperm older than my dad and got one to stick.  Mad that someone I’m related to would even consider such a ridiculous scheme to get money.  Mad that everyone would rather assume she’s faking it then actually try to deal with how this is going to go down.  Mad that its not mine.  Mad I didn’t fuck the grandpa with supersperm.  Wait.  Do you think I still have a chance with him?

So there’s that…

I’m also freaking the fuck out.  Mark and I are fully invested into our IVF cycle and now that I’m nicely suited up with hormones for my special journey, I’m panicking.  Not because of the cycle.  Not because of the likelihood it will work.  No I’m panicking because of my job.  The economy is fucked y’all.  Anyone notice?  Doesn’t this seem like the worst time to plop all your savings down on a chance?  Even if this chance is literally what I want more than anything, if I lose my job, we’re completely screwed.  And what if Mark loses his job?  If it happened to either one of us, we’d be in some serious trouble.  And then where would that leave us?  Under a bridge that’s where.

Nobody is safe right now.  I don’t feel safe.  As much as I want to feel good about things, I can’t stop myself from planning for my inevitable layoff.    If we continue with this IVF, we’ll be ba-roke.  OMG if something happened to my job I’d be terrified.  And it doesn’t help to be plump full of crazy juice does it?  That’s not going to help a damn thing.  And stress isn’t going to keep me pregnant.  I certainly didn’t last time.

So there you have it.  BabyBound is a big ass stressball of crap.  Got a pregnant fuckwit cousin, a scary job, no babies, and stress to fill everyone’s stockings and then some.

Have I mentioned that I’m emotional?

O Merry Christmas.


4 Responses to “Am I too emotional? Umm fuck you?”

  1. 1 meg December 23, 2008 at 9:22 am

    sorry to hear about your cousin. That is sucky for sure.

    And yes the economy is VERY scary and no one is really safe at this point. It really does affect EVERYONE!

  2. 2 Angie December 23, 2008 at 11:54 am

    The good news is, I hear CA has some nice bridges.

    The economy is bad, but even when it’s good there aren’t any guarantees. Losing a job at any point is stressful, so freaking out now won’t do any good. And your little one will need you to stay unfreaky and calm mama…consider it your mom duty.

    Oh – and as a Days watcher, I can safely tell you that scenario wouldn’t happen. What would (and is right now as a matter of fact) is that she would strap on a fake belly and adopt a little one when the time comes. Oh – and she’ll need to bribe a doctor with the 3/4 of a million dollars that she has access to… just to make sure the baby’s daddy doesn’t find out what’s really going on, and throw her out of the mansion.

    So be on the lookout for a belly that never changes size and a very nice vase that goes missing as a down payment.

    Merry Christmas!


  3. 4 emilythehopeless December 23, 2008 at 2:26 pm

    ugh that totally sucks. sorry you have to deal with that on top of the crazy hormones.. yes.. sometimes it feels completely insane to dump so much money into a chance with the state of the world.. but apparently we can’t help it. we are actually skipping christmas to save money for our IVF#2. but i feel like we have no choice. {hugs}

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