How to design an apartment in 5 easy steps:

  1. Make sure you prep for the day by drinking several martinis the night before so that you are well on your way to a hangover for the day of fun at hand.  After you are good and sauced, go check out the new apartment.  Hopefully this will be your first time seeing it.  Its very important to take measurements before you head to the store so get out those feet and walk it out.  (Don’t write it down.  Your awesomely impaired memory is completely fine for this)
  2. Agree on an early start.  Always important when you have a big day planned.  Then chack back and make sure you have successfully accomplished step 1 and roll out of bed only when the phone rings asking where you are.
  3. Go to Ikea.  The world’s most horribly amazing place.  An entire apartment fits on 1 flatbed cart.  I know right?  Crazy!
    1. (Side note:  Coffee will seem like a good idea, but isn’t really going to do shit for you.  If you feel like fainting, keep it to yourself.  This isn’t about you, silly.  Eye on the prize people.  You are decorating an apartment!!!)
  4. About the time you are in line to purchase said entire apartment, you will mostly feel a rush of energy that causes you to say things like “Let’s go to Target now”  and “We still need to get a lot of stuff today so we should keep going”.  You need to be careful here.  This is not real.  You need to stay focused.  Get some food in yourself – preferably something greasy – and head home.  You still have 2 flights of stairs to go up to get stuff IN this place.  (You should be feelin pretty normal about the time you get to the apartment.  And that odd twinge you have in your back?  Ignore it.  Just bringin you down man.)
  5. Just for shiggles, check out the apartment again.  Then make a foot doctor appointment.  You obviously need to have your over-night-growing-feet-measurers checked out.

And there you have it.  A whole new apartment of stuff.  That you helped pick out, Ikea delivered, someone else put together, and all the while you take credit.  Isn’t decorating hard work?

O and just because it couldn’t go without sharing, check out these bowls for sale at Ikea.

boobbowls

I mean are they kidding me with this?  I know they’re all differnt over there in Europeland but seriously??

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