Cleaning out a puss filled boil with salt

I don’t feel as good about our therapeutic progress as I did a few days ago.  Not because I think there is anything wrong with the therapist.  I don’t.  I think the improvement that we were experiencing so quickly was due to some misguided conversations about anything but the white elephant in the room.  My mother.

I realized that the only time my mother is actually listening or participating in therapy is when we are talking about other people.  My sister.  My aunts and uncles.  My Grandparents. Mark.   Anyone but her and my father.  This week, we did just that and mental mumsy actually threw her hands up, said “I’m not talking about this anymore” and checked out.  She was done. Not a word was uttered.  And hasn’t been since.

Why?  What caused this outrageous reaction?  Well?  Because I was able to prove with pictures that some of the things she claims I have done to her never happened.  That she made it completely up embellished her memory.  She was caught.  Red handed.  Blaming me for crap that was absolute rubbish.  For the first time, someone other than just me actually called her out on it and she was trapped.  Sadly, the pictures themselves haven’t actually caused her to see a damn thing differently.  They’ve been mentioned before.  She just claims they aren’t real.  But Dr. Feel Good was – for the first time – an impartial witness that questioned her fucking insane excuse reasoning.

My mother has spent the last 4 years telling anyone that will listen that I have been a horrible daughter.  That my wedding day was the “worst day of her life”.  I was so cold and mean on my wedding day that she spent the whole day crying and almost walked out.  And the worst of it?  O that was when I left without even saying goodbye to her like a cold unappreciative bitch.  Its not anything new in her heart.  She has felt this way my whole life.  But something about this lovely event gave her permission to actually admit it.

This week, Sr. Feel Good actually finally addressed this.  The picture was front and center.  A picture of her and I at the end of the night saying goodbye.  Her smiling.  Me smiling.

She didn’t want to hear it.  She can’t.  It makes her wrong.  It makes her a pretty horrible person. It kinda makes her look like a wack job for disputing photographic evidence but more importantly, its a pretty obvious example of at least 4 years of completely unnecessary ridicule.  So with that, we’ve at least uncovered 4 years.  We still have 29 to go.

Where does that leave me though?  Right back where we started.  It only scratches the surface of horrible nonsense like this.  Its not a one time thing.  Its my life.  And she still can’t here it.

I’m not all that different from many people out there.  There are plenty of adults out there with mother’s that just simply weren’t ready to have children and didn’t want them.  That resent them for representing the life they didn’t get to have.  And I’m sure some of those mothers love rewriting history to make them the victim and their child the horrible spawn of satin that caused them a lifetime of heartache.  My mother is just one of them.

So we haven’t really made any progress.  Kinda feel crappy about it.


3 Responses to “Cleaning out a puss filled boil with salt”

  1. 1 anne nahm November 9, 2008 at 9:56 am

    That sounds exhausting and makes me want to punch your mom right in the cooter. No offense. Sometimes people have shitty first reactions when they are cornered with something. Maybe after she has some time to think about it, she will come around. Here’s to hoping, anyway.

  2. 2 Mrs.MooMoo November 9, 2008 at 8:40 pm

    I have had a very similar experience with my father, who was in denial of a lot of things happening actually… Finally at a Thanksgiving dinner I said something, (maybe not the time or place) and confronted him about stuff that really did happen, only for him to announce to my family that I’M CRAZY… not such a nice thing to hear… but alas, FINALLY, for the first time!!! My sister validated what had happened, and so did someone else. No one has ever validated the experiences and it was great to see his reaction in front of my entire family. It was pivotal… I know it may seem weird and that nothing was really accomplished to you, but it was. She recognized what you were saying, with witnesses, and she walked away.. why? b/c she know’s you busted her and with validation/proof. Good for you!

  3. 3 Audrey November 10, 2008 at 11:14 am

    Ouch, I know what that’s like. My mother liked to talk crap about her own mother and at my 21st birthday party she and my aunts were going on and on about something my grandmother had done. She then turned to me and said, “see, at least I never said anything like that to you” and I just stared at her. She raised her eyebrows and said, “what?” and I replied, “I hate you, I wish you were never born. Ooh, I’m so sorry, I’ll never say it again. I hate you, I wish you were never born.” because this was something she said a lot to me when I was around 8 or 9. The table went silent and my mom exclaimed, “you remember that?!”

    I think mothers like to rewrite history because they are ashamed of what they’ve done and they need to feel like they weren’t as bad as they felt they were. It’s just that after telling themselves these lies for so long they begin to believe them.

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