I really need something to do

I don’t know what came over me yesterday but I came way too close to calling my parents?  Not only calling them, but asking them over for dinner???

Thank God I still have a little voice inside my head that is clearly less bored than I am because I didn’t do it.  There is absolutely no good reason to do so.  I know this (Or at least my inner voice does.  I kinda owe it a thank you note.).

To date, I’ve had 2 therapy sessions with my mother.  Both were weird.  She’s not really getting it, but then again, I guess I can’t expect her to.  We’re talking about years of fucking weird behavior denial that can’t just be solved in 2 hours.  And for a woman that spends her life rewriting history to make herself feel/look better, it really doesn’t matter what is said because as it works its way through her one good ear and into the history rewriting machine, its anyone’s guess as to how the words get reordered.

Right now, this really just feels like me speaking my peace in another venue.  Same story.  Same results.  Different room.  Well, and there’s a witness.  It really has been fascinating to see that history machine at work.  I say something, the therapist asks my mother what she heard, and wow.  Hold on to your tissues there’s some fantastic stuff in there.  It kinda goes a little something like this:

Therapist:  Kathy, why don’t you tell us how you’re feeling right now.

Me:  Well, I feel a bit frustrated.  No matter what I say she isn’t listening.

Therapist: OK.  Crazy mother, why don’t you tell us what you just heard.

Crazy mother: She just said that she hates us.  That we never did anything right for her.  That we are at fault for everything that ever went wrong in her life and she wont ever forgive us for that.  Nothing is ever good enough for her and she has no desire to talk to us ever again.  Its hopeless.  Hopeless!!  (Que tears) and that I’m fat.  O, and ugly.

And I wanted to have dinner with this woman??


1 Response to “I really need something to do”

  1. 1 Angie September 7, 2008 at 12:49 pm

    Fortune Cookie says:

    Stay busy, and at all costs avoid dinner and the IVF conversation. You will be happy you did both.

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