Is New York crazier than San Francisco?!?

I’ve written many a post about how freakishly odd the happenings are around San Francisco (cookie bush anyone?), but after one day in New York, I feel I may have found a rival. You be the judge while you take a fascinating little tour of the big apple, BabyBound style:

This woman is absolutely brilliant. As I sat in the window drinking my morning coffee, this immaculate disaster entered stage left. A vision in this black bra, see through yellow slip and cigarette (forgive the bad cell pict that really didn’t capture the detail well), she worked very hard at making her presence known to the neighborhood. First, slathering an entire container of “Nads” skin lotion all over both legs (I thought they were all about hair removal?) – only after removing her character shoes and black tube socks and throwing them neatly into the middle of the sidewalk of course – then wiping it all off with about 600 paper towels – found near the trash can. What happened next intrigued me as she very violently threw the above mentioned towels at the parked car just out of frame before putting her shoes back on. It was only then that we experienced a slight wardrobe malfunction when her boob popped out. No big deal. She put it back.

And all this without messing up one stitch of her full face clown makeup! Fantastic.

So its not all that clear it this horrible cell phone picture, but let me assure you that they sure do make em bigger in the big apple. This window full of DD+ boobs…I mean mannequins….sure did catch our attention. I mean you expect knockers in the window of the Hustler store on Sunset but this was just yer average clothing shop in SOHO. I wish I had a better angle..but trust me, those suckers are gigantic. Why do we only get the small boobed variety in Cali? Where are our monster boob mannequins?

They say there are more rats in NYC than people. I now know why. As it happens, as we were walking up Broadway we noticed they had completely blocked off an entire intersection to all forms of traffic. Being the nosey nosebody that I am, of course we peeped through the green fencing to see why. This is why. They were dealing with the sewage. One look at this completely out of control clusterfuck of crap – literally – and I’ve seen all I need to see. Not a straight line in sight. No labels. No order. Just crap. And crap flowing through crap = giant pile of crap. This is why there are more rats than people.

For anyone that hasn’t ever been to NY, this is a ghetto.

And I saved the very best for last:

I had the pleasure of sitting next to royalty on the train. This young lady is wearing what appears to be roughly 30 karats of crystal clear high grade plastic. In each ear. According to my precise calculations, the first stone (in a series of 3 up the ear) measures a whopping 15 karats!

How this woman was allowed to board a public railway without the aid of at least a fleet of bodyguards is beyond me. I would have thought that China, being the obvious makers of this fine jewelery, would have sent out their entire army for such an occasion. Maybe they are held up with the Olympics?

So all in all, a great trip. And it really is comforting to know that there is plenty of hilarious material are clearly odd things even on the other side.

But still no cookie bush….


7 Responses to “Is New York crazier than San Francisco?!?”

  1. 1 The Milk Maid August 19, 2008 at 6:18 pm

    I was hoping to see photos of a COOKIE BUSH and send them to B because she loves COOKIES and BUSHES (not GW, thank god). Then I had to think back to the time of Very Vaggie sandwiches. Then I remembered it’s been eons (or days) since I got laid. Now I need to go shave my bush. And eat a cookie.

    I have to stop drinking so much wine before leaving comments here, yowza.

  2. 2 babybound August 19, 2008 at 8:10 pm

    Bhahahhah that cracked me up. And yes you’re right….B DOES like cookies and bush. Thankfully not at the same time….I don’t think? O crap I’ve never asked her. Do I want to know?!?!?

  3. 3 Feisty Turkish Girl August 19, 2008 at 8:17 pm

    OH! Seattle beats ’em both! Come here and you shall see!

  4. 4 NoticeThings August 19, 2008 at 10:40 pm

    Actually, I think that The Milk Maid should drink MORE before she and her hairless bits leave comments. And while she is at it, she should be a guest writer on my blog while she’s all shalubied!

  5. 5 b August 20, 2008 at 7:21 am

    Kat, cookies AND bush are ALWAYS enjoyed at the same time. Thank you for thinking of me Milk Maid, you’re my favorite.

  6. 6 singletracey August 20, 2008 at 11:35 am

    You guys are HILARIOUS! I have to admit. I am a bit nervous that one day I will see kathy posting something hideous about some fluffy big brown haired girl walking the streets of san francisco and then see MY image!

    Get a yummy hot dog in NY for me!!

  1. 1 The Hair Growth Cycle @ 123 Blogblog Trackback on February 6, 2010 at 11:18 am

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