Hard

For anyone expecting something witty to come out, please find the nearest television set and turn to comedy central.  Hopefully you’ll be blessed with a zinger, because I don’t think its gonna happen in the next 387 words (or so) from BabyBound.

I got a call from my mother last night.  It wasn’t a bad call.  She was actually doing something nice.  She wanted to let me know that my grandparents will be moving into assisted living next Tuesday because they are no longer able to take care of themselves.  My Grandma was just diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and is very rapidly losing her memory of everything.

My mother wanted to make sure that I knew about this because she wanted me to have the choice of what I wanted to do.  She told me that it would probably be a good idea to plan on spending some time with her in the next could of weeks because I probably need to say my goodbyes.  She will not remember me soon.  My mother said that if I wanted to do it alone – so that it didn’t have to be about the problems I’m having with my parents, then she would be happy to help arrange it and promised to stay away.  But that she didn’t want me to have to regret anything later on.  She was giving me a choice.

She also told me that they will be selling my Grandparent’s house and that they will be getting rid of everything.  She is putting aside my chair (this super cool designer chair that I have always wanted) and that if there is anything else that I want, to let her know and she will make sure I get it.  That this situation between me and them should not have any effect on me and my Grandparents.

Wow.  So much to take in.  It’s kinda like when you get in a car accident and forget how to open the door because of the shock of it.  I’m a bit blank.  So much has just happened that I don’t even know where to begin.  What my first step should be.  Obviously I am incredibly happy that I wasn’t left out of this and that I am being given the chance to actually say goodbye.  I will absolutely take it.  I don’t want to morn someone that isn’t dead, but with this, I get it.

The last time I saw my Grandma, she didn’t remember who I was for the first 20 minutes of seeing me.  It was unbelievably hard.  She had a blank stare on her face that I wont forget, but its not what I think of when I think of her.  At least I try not to.  Right now, its all I can’t think of.  In some ways, that makes this all a bit scarier because I know that’s how it will be this time.

Its just hard.  But I really do have to say, thank you Mom.  You may have actually changed.

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7 Responses to “Hard”


  1. 1 anne nahm July 16, 2008 at 5:20 pm

    I’m so sorry about your grandmother. I think your mother is showing a lot of love and consideration for you in this moment from what you are saying.

  2. 2 meg July 16, 2008 at 5:24 pm

    Very sorry about your grandma. Glad to here though that your mom is reaching out to you.

  3. 3 geohde July 16, 2008 at 5:42 pm

    I’m so sorry your Grandmother’s dementia is advancing as fast as it is.

    J

  4. 4 b July 16, 2008 at 6:34 pm

    I am very happy that you were given a choice in this matter. I am here..answer your phone, it’s me.

  5. 5 Emily (Apron Strings) July 16, 2008 at 6:37 pm

    I’m so sorry to hear about your Grandma. And I know how hard it must be to take this all in. The only piece of a$$vice I can give you is when you visit her to try to forget that she has this memory loss. Talk to her like you’ve always talk to her. Remind her of special memories the two of you share. And if she doesn’t remember, just keep reinforcing how special that memory was for the two of you.

    I know, harder than it sounds … but this will help both of you feel comfortable around each other.

    Good luck with everything. You and your grandma will be in my thoughts…

  6. 6 Emily July 17, 2008 at 11:10 am

    Wow – this made me all teary. I think that what your mom did was pretty special and I know she has routinely screwed up but that she had enough forethought and consideration to say and do what she said and did is pretty big. I’m sorry about your Gran – I hope you have loads of wonderful memories to keep her spirit alive in her heart regardless of what happens now – hang onto those good memories…

  7. 7 Erin July 17, 2008 at 2:57 pm

    I’m sorry about your Grandma. I know where you’re coming from… for the last 10 years of her life my Grandma didn’t know who I was… for the last 5 she didn’t even know her own children. It was really sad…I never did get a chance to say goodbye to her (one day she phoned my Dad and I answered… she didn’t know who I was even after I told her. I was 15 and it was really shocking.)


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