Mother?

She called.

Its been 8 months, 24 days, and 14 hours since I spoke to her. Not a peep out of her – with the exception of that really awesome flower arrangement – for 8 months, 24 days and 14 hours.

Yesterday afternoon, she left two messages on my cell phone. I hadn’t even seen that she called until last night when my face basically fell on the floor. After I picked my face up, cleaned up the mess it made, made dinner, ate dinner, went back to make sure there wasn’t any residual face on the floor, wrote a novel, ran a marathon and had 18 children, I listened to them.

First one said “Hi Kathy its Mom. I would like to get your permission to come up there and talk to you. I think I might be able to help you get through this. Please call me back.”

My first thought was “help me get through this? Am I dieing?”. I knew this wasn’t a good sign that we were getting anywhere but out of sheer curiosity, I listened on to the second message.

This message said “Hi Kathy its Mom. I’m not sure if the first message went through. I wanted to get your permission to come up there and talk to you. We would really like to work this out and we miss you. I would like it if you would call me back. This is the only way we know how to reach you. Please call me back so that we can talk about this.”

Hmm. Better? But not exactly the breakthrough I was hoping for. There is still a tinge of business transaction in there and it was kind of hard to tell if that twinge in her voice was nerves or attitude.

I was completely at a loss with this one. What do I do? Does she really mean it? She doesn’t exactly have a reputation for following through. It was like she was having a moment and reached out, but nobody knew if/when this moment was over. Its basically like when the space shuttle orbits the earth. It has windows of opportunity to make its decent back to earth. If it misses the window, it plunges into a firey death. Was this a window?  Was I in the window? How big was it?  Does it have drapes or shutters?  I usually prefer shutters but in this case I think the drapes would be a more comfortable solution.

Making a decision here wasn’t going to be possible. I was basically a paralyzed pile of drool.  I needed someone to just tell me what to do so I called everyone I know. Of course, nobody answered the phone. Thanks everyone. Mark was on the phone with his parents for hours – a standard Sunday activity. As much as I felt this was an emergency that he should be dropping everything for, I held myself back from running out to tell him to get off the phone.  Score 1 point for me.

After talking to a few people that called me back – the only ones still left on my friends roster thank you very much – and Mark, we all decided that calling her back was a good idea. So after writing another novel, losing 200 pounds and discovering a cure for cancer I called her back.

It was 2 hours of strange conversation. She cried a lot. I never once did. She said a lot of random nonsense. I stood my ground. She flew off the handle several times. I stayed strong. She said she is terrified of me. I said wha?? I popped a cap in her ass, she said SEE!

We have a looong way to go. Nothing was resolved. Nothing felt good. I didn’t get off the phone feeling happy. I felt more frustrated than anything. But we did agree to go to counseling together. We’ll see if it happens or if that went with the window.

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9 Responses to “Mother?”


  1. 1 meg June 23, 2008 at 9:20 am

    Well maybe this is a start! I am wishing you the best of luck with the situation.

  2. 2 puppyroar5 June 23, 2008 at 9:24 am

    Wow,I’m drained after just reading this. I think I need a cigarrette. Wait, I don’t smoke. Phew! Do you feel emotionally wrung out this morning?

  3. 3 The mother hen June 23, 2008 at 12:10 pm

    At least you want a reconciliation. I’m happier the longer I go without hearing from my mother. I hope that she wakes up and owns up to her behavior.

  4. 4 Deena June 23, 2008 at 1:43 pm

    I am so glad to hear she finally called. Maybe this will be the first steps toward reconciliation? I hope so, I pray she continues to open up. This is truly wonderful news.

  5. 5 Emily June 23, 2008 at 3:20 pm

    Maybe the counselling is a good thing – it may at least let her see how unhealthy the way she treats you is. Good luck

  6. 6 geohde June 23, 2008 at 8:21 pm

    It sounds so emotionally exhausting.

    In a way I’m lucky. Haven’t spoken to my mother in 27 years, and don’t really feel the urge to barring some adolescent angst years ago about who-the-heck-she-was.

    Good luck with it all,

    J

  7. 7 anne nahm June 24, 2008 at 6:11 am

    It’s hard to know what to say about this. I haven’t been reading long enough to know how bad things were for you growing up. I guess if you two fought over that cute guy on the motorcycle and whether you had to be back home before eleven, I’d say this sounds like a good step, because motorcycle guys come and go, family is important and all that.

    On the other hand, if she was the kind of mom who was sold you to the local priests for ritual sacrifice or let pit bulls use you as a chew toy, then I would not want to blindly suggest that healing this relationship would be good for you. So I guess I’ve gotta end with a kind of lame “yay Kathy!” and have faith that you know the best path for yourself. Good luck with it.

  8. 8 mycowgirlalterego June 24, 2008 at 8:06 am

    I say visit a therapist by yourself, go over the sitution with her, and see if she thinks it is in your best interest pyschologically to talk with your mother and how you should go about it. If you like her, then perhaps she can broker the meeting and keep an eye for you since you are her patient. Parents always have the upper hand because of all our childhood bullshit; make sure you go in with your shields up.

  9. 9 allisonsjournal June 24, 2008 at 2:55 pm

    I’m with mycowgirlalterego…visit a therapist by yourself and get some insight into what the problem really is. Of course, it’s all her and not you. I have an absent father (absent since I was 2), but he’s still there and I can’t get rid of him. I don’t want him around, but I do want him around. See what I mean? I need therapy and maybe you do too.

    I gave up hoping my father would become a father, and that’s a step in the right direction, but the childhood hurts are still there and they’ll remain in place until I can get to the core of things and learn to let go. I’m telling you this because it may be your solution as well. If you’ve done without her for 8 months, then keep doing it on your own. Sounds harsh, but dysfunctionality in the family usually takes you down such paths.

    All the best!


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