Do I need to improve being a wife or change my life? Or carry a knife?

Step one in ravishing my husband with a new and improved wifely agenda seems to escape me right now. What do wives do? I know what Moms do. I know what singletons do. But a plain ol wife? I mean other than the obvious: lay out naked with food of some sort on me waiting for him to come home. Haven’t we learned anything from Kim Cattrall’s sushi escapade? That shit aint sanitary and what if I have to pee?

I already cook. I do laundry. I’m ridiculously tidy. I have sex with him on call. I bring home the bacon. I try to stay hot (or rather, not the ugliest). I pay the bills. I organize our life – inside and out…then again alphabetically….then by color, season, decade, trend, style, age, size, etc. (Can’t be too organized!)  Then I label it.

All in all, I keep a perfect home for him. So what else do married people do? How can I improve my wifeyness?

Maybe I don’t need improvement. Maybe its just time to switch it up a bit. But that leaves us back at Temptress Sushi. Really? Really BabyBound? This is the best you can come up with? Christ.

As you can see, all this extra room in my head from the eviction of project:baby has left me a little retarded. And sure, if it makes you feel better to picture me with a helmet on, drooling and screaming out “I like string cheese!”, I’ll let you have this one.

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1 Response to “Do I need to improve being a wife or change my life? Or carry a knife?”


  1. 1 b June 16, 2008 at 9:19 pm

    I generally recommend carrying a knife at all times. In your case, I think you may just hurt yourself. No sushi, that’s just nasty. You need silky slithery lingerie, and FMP’S! NO man (or butch girl for that matter) can possibly resist a woman in lingerie and fuck me pumps. Party on Kat.


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