Is that a grenade in your socket??

What a tard I am. I really don’t make any sense. Like ever. I’m pretty much a giant walking contradiction. And by giant, I’m totally referring to my thighs.

This morning I scratched my cornea. Lovely right? Well, it wasn’t a bad scratch and I went to the doc to take a looksie. She said its all good. I said werd. We rapped a minute. Then she gave me drops to put in them every hour.

Drops? Most people may not know this about me, but nothing  – and I really do mean nothing – goes in my eyeballs, me years, or my nose.  My body and mind physically reject anything trying to make its way into my head orifices.  Well…75% of them at least but let’s keep this clean.

I’ve tried to tell my hands to put this jelly goo into my eye ball and that it will all be ok.  I’ve coaxed my eyelid into the open position, I’ve told my face to be quiet, I’ve said a little prayer.  But any time I try to squeeze this pain reliever into my right socket, my brain says O MY GOD WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU FUCKING FREAK??

So…just to tally up the score for anyone joining us for the first time, I have no problem shooting IVF meds straight into my leg or belly or whatever with a big giant needle.  A needle that makes bleeding and pain.  I laugh at the thought of surgery to poke holes into my ovaries with even bigger needles to suck out the ripened lovelies my meds produce.  I’m totally cool with the ridiculous bruising that forms on my backside that is so dark that a simple poke causes blood to ooze out.  But I physically do not have the ability to put scratch soother into my painful, swollen and beat up eyeball??

This is going to be a really long night.

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