Don’t have sex the first time if you have ubertility.

I was talking to a good friend yesterday about getting pregnant. His wife is actually pregnant right now (bitch…but not really) and knew she was literally the day after they did the bear chicka bearnair [cue porno music just for shiggles]. She’s extremely in tune with her body. Like, damn.

He also told me that his mother in law got pregnant the very first time she did the nasty. The. Very. First. Time.

Ladies and gents, I think we just may have found the exact opposite to the infertility lifestyle.  I shall call it ubertility.   Half the fun.  Twice as effective.   Sounds pretty craptacular to me.

What the hell would that be like? Like, would you actually think sex is for making babies? That when a man loves a woman really really hard, a baby comes out? That the special hug is so easy to do it just takes one shot and you’re a mom? That all those after school specials were actually right? Cause daaaayum. It so aint like that.

Or is it?

I mean if something like that happened to me I think I’d flip out and never have sex again. I’d be scared to death that any time I played hide the salami that I’d have to give up my awesome bikini body and let another ankle biter pull my boobs just a little closer to the ground. No thank you.

But, sigh. This of course did not happen to me. I’m left with the unfortunate mysterious wonder that is baby making in the traditional sense. I have formed a certain addiction to the act of which many children are created, but not mine. At least I like it.

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3 Responses to “Don’t have sex the first time if you have ubertility.”


  1. 1 The Milk Maid April 18, 2008 at 6:26 pm

    It’s kind of disgusting, isn’t it?

  2. 2 geohde April 19, 2008 at 7:22 pm

    Digressing slightly, I’m very glad I was a Good Girl and contraception figured heavily in my early experiences. Not that I would have gotten knocked up, of course, but just the thought of it gives me the horrors. Very glad my taste in men improved….

    J

  3. 3 slopmaster February 6, 2009 at 12:46 pm

    if you think about it, it seems bizarre, I mean the whole baby thing. We have sex, something very enjoyable, then you get a kid 9 months after the fact. the cause and effect thing here isn’t very obvious, and you do one great thing to get a pain in the ass for 20 years.


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