Your issues are in your tissues

I gotta tell ya, I feel fantastic.  I spent last weekend in a spa getting treated like royalty and it’s still wearing off.  It was exactly 1 week ago today that I took 3 showers, had 2 baths, a steam, a sauna, meditation, aroma therapy, a nap, a body wrap, a massage, and finished it all off with sex.  OK the sex part isn’t all that unusual, but still, it definitely deserves a nod.

It was during my 7th hour of pampering that I got the massage.  Sufficiently exhausted relaxed by then, I had quite a conversation with the therapist while he rubbed every inch of my body.  He really put life into interesting perspective.  See, this wasn’t your average moosh moosh grind massage.  While I’ve had dozens of those relaxing little beauties, I wanted to try something new.  For this relaxation marathon, I chose a lymphatic massage and I am so glad that I did.  Anyone who hasn’t had a lymphatic, check it out.  A little strange, but well worth it and I kinda think its an infertile’s requirement – prescription from Dr. BabyBound.

Anywho, the dude giving it was really interesting (and yes, he was the armpit dude, but that came later).  If we could all pretend for just a moment that I know what I’m talking about, lymphatic is all about cleansing the body of its toxins.  You hold all your poisons in your glands and you have glands all over your body at every joint.  Lymphatic pushes these pockets of badness into the funnels that are designed to dispose of them.  Its kinda like squeezing a tube of toothpaste.  Its designed to get your body flowing again and flush you of all the crap (both figuratively and literally) you have stored up.  While there are no hot stones or elbows involved, I can truly say this was the most relaxing massage I’ve ever had (and I’ve had a lot of massages as I am a bit of a princess afterall).

As stupid as this may sound, I think armpit dude may have cleaned me out.  I almost feel like a garbage man took a little pill, shrunk down to the size of a grain of rice, rented a teeny garbage truck space ship, flew throughout my entire body (after I ate him of course) and collected up all my trash.  I guess I pooped him out because I haven’t been hearing any voices or feeling any strange movement.

I might have to add Mr. Miniature Garbage man to my list of regular reunions.  Maybe next time I’ll bring the wine.  But leave out the pit lover.

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1 Response to “Your issues are in your tissues”


  1. 1 b February 25, 2008 at 9:38 am

    So, I read your post..the whole thing..honest. All I can picture is you sitting on the toilet shitting out a garbage truck..and it is way too early in the morning for THAT visual..let me tell ya! I wouldn’t be able to fix THAT toilet..FOR SURE!!


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