Tit for tat

I have decisions.  Hard decisions.  Not like the whole which kid you takin with you to the showers decisions.  But still can’t decide.

Mark’s birthday is next Saturday.  Not nearly far enough for me to not be bitter.  I mean the guy’s still sleepin on the couch, people.  After the birthday extravaganza that wasn’t, it seems entirely inappropriate to celebrate anything at all.  I mean I could give him some leftover cake from my birthday – o wait that would mean I had one  No…..OK I could rewrite my name at the bottom of one of the cards I got and pass it off to him (sort of showing effort right?) – mmm no I’d have to have received one to do that.  Damn.  Hmm…No no wait.  I got it.  I can re-wrap my birthday presents and let him open them up and give them to me – o crap.  the nothingness strikes again.  Well, there’s always abandoning him.  That seems to be pretty popular these days.

See, I’m having a really hard time justifying a celebration in my mind.  I’m stubborn.  I was right.  Not wrong.  Right.  I should be the winner here.  I should be the one with the birthday celebration take two.  Not him.  He was wrong.  Very very wrong.  He’s too old to ground.  But acted like a child.  What am I suppose to do with that?

On the other hand, birthdays aren’t just about the person born to this world on that day.  They’re fun.  They exist so that we can celebrate.  Eat cake.  And show the people that we love how much we love them.  Not doing anything for his birthday only shows that I’m either a child like him, or don’t love him.  I think its been well established that I do still love him.  The child part, well I guess there is always the possibility that I’m still prepubescent.  I can’t get pregnant.  That’s a sure sign of not having “become a woman” yet.   Interesting….and I barely get my period, still use the word “like” far too often, have a myspace account, get overly emotional about everything, spend my entire day focusing on the needs of 15 year olds, hate my parents…yeeaahh…..where was I?  O yeah.  Right.  Mark’s birthday.

So what do I do?  I’m at a loss.  Mark said just skip it (typical guilt man wanting to feel like that would somehow make us even).  But that kinda doesn’t make me feel better.  I don’t want to spend money on him.  He spent enough on his lalapalbooza.  But nothing?  Is that right?

Talk amongst yourselves….

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13 Responses to “Tit for tat”


  1. 1 milkmaid79 January 25, 2008 at 6:32 am

    Throw YOURSELF a party on his birthday. Of course you get him something too, but nothing as great as what you get for you. See- we cover all the elements there… party, cake, not being bitter, and material posessions. And to top it off :::whispers::: you win!

  2. 2 Erin January 25, 2008 at 7:50 am

    I’d give him a swift kick in the pants… buts that’s just me *smile*

  3. 3 anne nahm January 25, 2008 at 7:56 am

    What about something quiet and kind with just the two of you?

  4. 4 katarinajellybeana January 25, 2008 at 8:28 am

    Cake. And then maybe let him have a piece if you’re feeling generous.

    And you might want to let him know you’re glad he’s back.

  5. 5 b January 25, 2008 at 8:36 am

    Sorry pal, but I think he deserves a birthday. Everyone does..even you. You didn’t get one this year..that is what it is..sucky. I wouldn’t go crazy or anything, but like Mrs. Jellybeana up there, i’d let him know that I was glad he was back. He fucked up, he knows that. Plus..think of the extra guilt he’ll have after you give HIM a birthday after HE’S fucked up!!!!!! Major miles off of that one my friend.

  6. 6 Deena January 25, 2008 at 9:03 am

    Unfortunately, I have been in your birthday shoes before. My hubby has forgotten/not done anything for my birthday on a couple of occasions. I struggled with your same question (do I do the same to him??) And in the end, I did what B said to do. I celebrated his birthday and I bought him a way over the top gift that was really expensive, and in the end, he felt like sh*t because he knew he had neglected my birthday…

    This might be a step towards getting over some of the hurt between you two. Go out, celebrate his birthday like you never have before. I am talking clowns, balloons, cake in the face (that might be fun) and maybe even dessert at the end of the night . I promise it will be hard at first to get in the right frame of mind, but in the end, you will have fun, and you will know you did the right thing.

  7. 7 The mother hen January 25, 2008 at 9:22 am

    wow!!! I was coming over to say just what Deena did, especially the over the top gift. Let it be a time of healing straight from your heart. Don’t hang on to your anger anymore. It won’t help. Just my .02

  8. 8 babybound January 25, 2008 at 9:34 am

    Are you guys crazy? Doing something, yes. But over the top? Did anyone forget that my birthday was LAST TUESDAY? I’m still completely not over it. But more importantly, Mark was MISSING for 3 days?

    I do not think over the top is at all appropriate. It sends the wrong message to a man that was COMPLETELY selfish. Thinking about no one but himself while worrying everyone around him sick.

    Its not just about the birthday. Mark did a really really bad thing. Rewarding him with an over the top birthday 2 weeks later is insane.

  9. 9 b January 25, 2008 at 9:50 am

    HA HA!!! You asked for us to discuss it! Maybe it’s too soon, but you’re going to have to forgive him eventually if you want to keep him. Otherwise, let’s start looking for Mr. Babybound the sequel.

  10. 10 Kristin January 25, 2008 at 10:06 am

    I’d “be the bigger person” and take him out to eat at his favorite resturant. Give him a nice card (NO big gift) and show him that you are an adult and you’re willing to work on your relationship.

    Grin and bear it and then share with us how it went! 😉

  11. 11 The mother hen January 25, 2008 at 5:08 pm

    I agree with B that maybe two weeks is a bit hasty, but also the forgiveness will make you feel better, just ignoring his b-day will only perpetuate hurt and anger.

  12. 12 celebrate woo-woo January 27, 2008 at 2:34 am

    I’m a tad late to the discussion, but I completely disagree with the over-the-top celebration suggestion. It isn’t just about him forgetting or not doing anything to celebrate your birthday; he walked out and went on a 3-day bender, which is bad enough to warrant a less-than extravagent birthday for him, but did so on your birthday. That’s so many wrongs all at once, and while forgiveness is wonderful and necessary; there’s a difference between forgiving his mistakes and rewarding them by pretending like it didn’t happen. I like the idea of a small, low-key evening that involves celebrating BOTH of your birthdays.

  13. 13 meg January 27, 2008 at 9:28 am

    I am a bit late too… but I would say throw some type a party for both of you… and yes I wouldn’t do anything over the top either…

    I hope it all works out.


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