Bad post

I can’t help it.  I’m sad.  I’m super sad.  Like sad times 10.  Wait no.  Times 100.

This is just not at all what I expected for my life.  I know I know.  Life is unexpected bla bla bla.  But really?  I mean really?  So as we are all growing up, we should all be considering the disappearing act of our husbands, the loss of a child, the complete stand still that is my current situation?  This really should be something I sort of planned for or take gracefully?  Does everyone else have this stuff goin on?  Wow the world is full of secrets.

I’m sad.  I can’t get over it.  I’m having a pity party.  I don’t even care.  I’ve lost way too much.  Every time I think I’m at my limit, I lose something else.  I want so badly to be on the upturn.  I want to have “the year of my life”.  Well, we all already know that isn’t 08′.  And its only January.  Fuck man.  Fuck.

I lost my best friend.  I lost my dog.   I lost my family.  I lost my baby.  I lost my husband.   My fucking husband.  I’m really alone now.  I know I have friends of the pixel persuasion, but none of you are here.  My real life friends live in LA.  That leaves me here.  1 on 1 with hell.  I’m losing.

I soooo don’t want to get sucked into a spiral of negativity, but God wants me there.  He clearly hates me.  I believe in him, but he hates me.  I am definitely doing something wrong.  Are all the rest of you laughing at me for being wrong?  You totally are aren’t you.  I’m like the poster child for wrongness.  Damn I had no idea.

I’m so not OK.  I’m trying.  But I’m not.  I feel like Mark’s problem made me lose everything.  How did that happen?

I’m sorry I can’t be funny.  I want to be, but man that’s hard.  Need a stupid joke?  What if you all just get together for a girls night out and make fun of me for like 5 hours?  That’s funny right?  Man I’m a mess.


7 Responses to “Bad post”

  1. 1 neen January 19, 2008 at 1:18 am

    If it helps but it probably won’t, Im sad too. I have miscarriage stress and stress from trying to get re pregnant. Im always fighting with husband, somedays to the brink of divorce. So much for 08 being my lucky number, crappy new year instead. Im such a bitch that I auctually I feel better knowing that others are having a shit time too. Misery loves company. Hang in there. I have a wine to start our pity party off.

  2. 2 milkmaid79 January 19, 2008 at 8:28 am

    The end of ’06 and most of ’07 was my hell hole… lost job, no work for 3 months, brand new baby, an almost stroke (Jef) then cronic kidney diesease, talk of transplants. There’s more- and just when I thought I could get up from it, there was something else.

    I wish I had the magic potion to make you forget it all and feel like a million bucks again. I don’t have it, but if I did you could have the first glug. *Sigh*

  3. 3 meg January 19, 2008 at 9:58 am

    I am so sorry…. I know I keep coming back and saying that… but I am not sure how else to put it. I am sorry and I really do hope things start to look up.

  4. 4 Orodemniades January 19, 2008 at 11:11 am

    Personally, I can’t think of a better time to wallow. Because sometimes, that’s the only thing to do.

  5. 5 celebrate woo-woo January 19, 2008 at 7:40 pm

    Sometimes the only thing that will eventually let you feel better is to rock out with all the anger and pissed-off, hurt feelings in your own pity party. Sorry it’s been such a sucky year for you already.

  6. 6 b January 21, 2008 at 2:22 pm

    Can we get t shirts printed that say SHITSTAIN 08? I’m really sorry..but extremely hopeful that this will all work out.

  1. 1 Imaptiently not waiting « B a b y B o u n d Trackback on January 30, 2008 at 9:51 pm

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