This aint no ballot from Florida

Let me tally the votes…

5..carry the 1…divide by .8…round up to the nearest whole number….erase the 4…chew the pencil for a second…nod head in astonishment…

Ah. There ya go. It was a unanimous decision. You all feel that I should act surprised. All righty then. Surprised I shall be.

Pardon me, I mean no disrespect to my Muppets, but I’m not exactly sure if you have all thought through this. Can we all get down into the weeds for a sec? Please join me down here in the grassy scent of details.
See, I do all the accounting in our house. A fact that I may have mistakenly left out of the last post. Not that I have any business laying claim to fantastic numberdom, but I’m one notch above Mark so therefore I win. I would have to be laying in a coma in the hospital unable to open my eyes or say “get me my fucking computer (please)” to not look at our bank statements for the next 10 days. I mean literally a coma. No eyeballs. Voicebox on mute. Missing typing fingers. You feelin me?
So my question to all of you is, are you requesting my demise for the next 10 days? Shall I fake my death? Doesn’t that seem a bit elaborate for such a silly little thing like a pesky birthday? Hey man, if that’s what you all feel I need to do then by all means, I’m on it like white on rice. You don’t need to get all crazy. I’m not going against your unanimous will. I’m just questioning it for the sake of my…well my life.

I am perfectly willing to accept that perhaps a few of you were on the sauce when you rendered your vote. I’m even comfortable with some of you wishing ill fate on me. (Comfortable. Not happy about it.) But just for shiggles (my new favorite word. get used to it, its sticking around), can we possibly talk this one through?

Maybe a recount is in order?

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5 Responses to “This aint no ballot from Florida”


  1. 1 katarinajellybeana January 8, 2008 at 7:33 am

    I clearly was on the sauce after being on a 7 week post miscarriage bender.

    Roast the SOB.

  2. 2 meg January 8, 2008 at 8:13 am

    I wasn’t on the sauce… and I still say act surprised 🙂

  3. 3 lazyppod January 8, 2008 at 9:10 am

    Ha Ha I like the first answer from Katarina!

    You DID leave one important piece out! If you do the books, then how the HELL could you not see the charge? Doesn’t he know this? He is probably wondering why you haven’t said anything to him? He is probably wanting to check your pulse to make sure you haven’t left this earthly world?
    Maybe you should tell him that if he has a secret, he should protect it a little better than that!
    (Althought it was great effort on his part…I would be ecstatic if my husband even thought to buy tickets to Cirque de Soleil for my Birthday!)

    Am I helping?

  4. 4 lazyppod January 8, 2008 at 9:11 am

    Ha Ha I like the first answer from Katarina!

    You DID leave one important piece out! If you do the books, then how the HELL could you not see the charge? Doesn’t he know this? He is probably wondering why you haven’t said anything to him? He is probably wanting to check your pulse to make sure you haven’t left this earthly world?
    Maybe you should tell him that if he has a secret, he should protect it a little better than that!
    (Althought it was great effort on his part…I would be ecstatic if my husband even thought to buy tickets to Cirque de Soleil for my Birthday!)

    Am I helping?

  5. 5 b January 8, 2008 at 10:03 am

    Listen up! Noone wants you to get sick. But could you for once just pretend to be stupid? He wanted to suprise you, he’s trying to be nice..but NOOOOOOO! Little Ms. Control Freak has to go snoopin all up in his business. Poor Mark, he works hard, treats you like a princess..and you give him grief! Hang your head in shame MEAN TIME! I think we’re going to just have to cancel your birthday this year…you’re grounded.


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