Dear Mark

Hey there poopy.  Remember me?  Your wife?  The one you married and promised to love forever?  Yeah me.

I realize that this letter will never see the whites of those beautiful baby blues (being you don’t read my blog), but hey, just for shiggles, let’s just all play along here shall we?  I’ve got an outlet and something to say.

My birthday is in 10 days.  That’s right Marky, less then two weeks.  When I mentioned this little fact to you earlier this week, your response of “it is?” was not only completely the wrong answer, it has rendered me speechless.  I think for the very first time in our quadrillion year long relationship, I really don’t know what to say.  I mean really?  Now?  You forget this?

I’m sorry.  I guess I must have missed that day that you went in for the removal of your memory lobe in your brain.  Was that when I was having my 2nd endo surgery?  Or no no no wait.  It was when I was having my IVF retrieval wasn’t it?  You slipped in for a little touch up on the manhood.  Can’t stray too far from the pack!  I understand.  Its a man thing.  You liking your kneecaps these days?  How about your jugular?  No?  I can’t mess with your naughty bits as I need those but ya might want to think twice when bending down for the soap.  Just sayin.  Its a woman thing.

Well sigh.  I’m afraid that you’ll need to step up and really make up for this horrible slip.   I’m thinking a surprise weekend getaway might soften the fact that you’re a horrible horrible man.  A trip to LA to see my friends.  A big party.  And hey, if you can throw in an incredible gift of blinding reflection I might just be willing to forget the whole thing.

I know you can do it poopy.  Fear usually helps us come up with the best ideas doesn’t it?

Your pretty fucking pissed off wife,


And since we’re at it, how about working on that wiping off the counters when you do the dishes.  This isn’t a seedy dive bar in the Mission.   People live here.  Sophisticated clean people.  Thanks.  You’re a peach.


7 Responses to “Dear Mark”

  1. 1 Kelly January 5, 2008 at 6:29 am

    Oh no…surely he’s just putting you on. Surely he’s acting dumb so that he can surprise you with something wild and wonderful. I hope so for his sake and the sake of his body parts.

  2. 2 milkmaid79 January 5, 2008 at 8:34 am

    Do I need to swing the van of pissed off women towards you? We’re ready and frothing for a chance to hurt, I mean help! 😀

  3. 3 meg January 5, 2008 at 9:14 am

    Yeh, I think he is pulling your leg and he has some big surprise going…. I hope so!

  4. 4 babybound January 5, 2008 at 7:53 pm

    I believe a big van of huffing wild women foaming at the mouth is in order. I’ll get the baseball bats. You pick me up at the gas station.

  5. 5 b January 5, 2008 at 11:43 pm

    pick you up? we’re coming to your house..duh! just let us in when we get there. : )

  6. 6 geohde January 6, 2008 at 12:38 am

    cc. My Husband.


  7. 7 katarinajellybeana January 8, 2008 at 7:29 am

    I suck.
    By katarinajellybeana

    I suck for not responding to this earlier. I saw it on my bloglines and made a mental note to reply and then never got back to it. I’m sorry. I should have replied that Mark is a stupidhead and that I will happily come and beat him up for you if you’d like. Boys are dumb. The end.

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