The NutsoCracker

Here’s a mish mash of emotions that I absolutely cannot explain:

Mark and I went to see The Nutcracker last night at the San Francisco Ballet. I haven’t been to see it in almost 20 years now (because I’m OLD) and Mark knew I would love to see it again. I was in it twice as a child. Once, I was a present (I was only 6 and basically just ran around the stage) and then again as a Sugar Plum Fairy when I was 10. Sometimes Mark just rocks at knowing what I would love. He had never been to the Ballet before so I don’t think he had a clue what he was in for. No singing, no words, pretty much nothing but a bunch of people running around and jumping on a stage. But wow is it beautiful.

We sat next to a family that had a seizure alert dog with them. The daughter was clearly the needer of the dog. They seemed to be very concerned with the people around them being upset about the dog. Umm…not us. The dog was a blond lab that looked like Sandy’s sister. Sandy’s good sister. This dog was so adorable and so well behaved.  She inched closer to me under the seats while everyone was gathering in the theater.  It just put the nail in the coffin for Sandy and her horrible ways. My first thoughts were “I hate Sandy for being such a brat”, but then I got to pet this good version of Sandy during the entire performance and ya know what?…it made me miss Sandy. God I’m such a sucker. This is probably why Sandy is such a pain.

So we have gone from resentment, to missing the dog before curtain call? O please. It gets even weirder.

After the lights went down and the show began, I was so happy to be seeing this performance again that a huge smile just permeated from my face. I think I might have lit up my section of the theater a little bit but nobody said anything. I absolutely love the Ballet. Word is still out on Mark’s feelings about it. We’ll get to that later.
But wha? This makes no sense? As soon as those little kids came out and started on the first dance performance – a dance that is more of a running around in somewhat perfect circles done by 7 and 8 year olds – I started crying. Crying! Not a little whimper. A full on, tears down the face, uncontrollable weeping. I wanted to stop. I needed to stop. I felt really stupid. With all that beaming I had been doing minutes earlier, I was hoping the face light had dimmed down. I was even hearing the voices in my head say “get it together man!! Its just the ballet!!” Not helping.

It took about 5 minutes, but I did eventually stop the crying. What a big maroon I am. Why the hell was I crying? The only thing I can come up with is that as those little kids did their well instructed running, it reminded me of being a little girl. I could completely hear the madame yelling “quickly quickly quickly…keep those toes pointed…I don’t want to hear any of you running”. I missed being a little girl. And with that, I went to the most obvious place. I missed Ashley. I wanted to be able to take my own little girl to the ballet and then, even more, I wanted to watch my own little girl in the ballet.

All this in the first 10 minutes. At intermission, I told Mark about the crying. He laughed at me and said he didn’t notice (he could be lieing, but I love him for that). He then asked me what the hell just happened on the stage. He had absolutely know idea what the story was all about and why the hell there was a cannon, rats, snow, and a weird magician guy. Ahhhhhh men.

After the whole thing was over, I asked Mark if he liked it. He said, and I quote, “It was good.” For anyone needing a man translation here, I’ll help you out: “It was fine. I can see that you loved it so I won’t say I hated it, but if you think for one second that we’re going to another ballet any time soon, you’re insane.”

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1 Response to “The NutsoCracker”


  1. 1 b December 30, 2007 at 8:11 pm

    Sounds like a lovely evening. I’m glad Mark knows what makes you happy and acts on it. Go Mark!


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