1 hour

I lost my shit y’all. Lost. My. Shit.

Mark and I went out last night. Nothing fancy. A quick bite at our fav Mexican joint around the corner. We were gone for less then an hour. – 60 minutes, 3,600 seconds, or 1/24th of a day –

Mark: “Should we put Sandy away?”

Kat: “Nah. Mail already came today, everything is put away. What could she possibly do?”

Famous last words…

In 1 hours time, Sandy reeked havoc like we’ve never seen.

When we first walked in the door upon returning home, everything looked in order. Mark sat on the chair with Sandy and cuddled & praised her for being a good dog. It went completely unnoticed that she was still chewing up the remnants of a black ball point pen innards and her paws, face, and legs were completely covered in black ink.

Only when she ran into the hall with an odd look on her face was it brought to my attention that something wasn’t at all right. Yup. She still had that tube of ink hanging from her mouth. After a frantic inspection of the rest of the house – looking for black ink of course – we were pleasantly surprised to see that the ink remained magnetised to Sandy and did not blanket the rest of the house. Thank. God. I mean I love black, but in carefully calculated amounts. O, but this was only the beginning…

Where did she get this pen? Where was it hiding? Well, it was lodged in the edge of a stack of books on the coffee table of course. Don’t you keep pens there? And when something is lodged, naturally one needs to scratch with all their might to get it out. Duh.


Please note that the scratches are so deep that you can actually see the natural wood color.  These lovely little bits are all over our coffee table.  Our expensive coffee table.  Was Sandy trying to sign her dandy work?

While I was blowing my head completely off my body, Sandy was going to her special pen chewing place.  Under the Christmas tree of course.  Watching her mommy lose her shit triggered her to remember that, o yeah!  I still have part of the casing left under the tree!  Yeah.  There’s black ink all under there.  On the tree skirt.  On the wood floor.  How fucking fantastic.

Why do dogs need to do this?  Why?

Anyone with any solutions other then paying to have the table sanded and refinished or chucking the whole damn thing is invited to share.

And anyone in the market for a devil dog…well you know what to do.


6 Responses to “1 hour”

  1. 1 milkmaid79 December 29, 2007 at 1:36 pm

    My hubby- being the master of all things paint and laquer- can prob fix the table. Consolation prize- I know.

    If you figure how to get the pen ink up, let me know– then add to that the knowledge of how to remove charcoal dust from carpet.

    Thanks for the dog offer, but I’ll pass. Maybe sell enough furrmanator snow men to pay for the damage? Oy!

  2. 2 Orodemniades December 29, 2007 at 3:11 pm

    Dude. Is she still alive?

  3. 3 Orodemniades December 29, 2007 at 3:12 pm

    Come to think of it, is the hubs still alive, seeing as it’s really All His Fault anyway?

  4. 4 Hilary (The Trying Game) December 29, 2007 at 6:52 pm

    Oh. My. Gosh. Sandy!!

    You can get those stain pens which touch up scratches on wood. BUT I don’t know how you’d fix the shiny veneer…

    Does it make you feel any better that because of our three cats, we have blown through:

    Two Sofas
    Two Leather Dining Chairs
    Countless Throw Rugs
    A Full-House Worth of Actual Carpeting
    Not to mention countless other furniture items that have sustained damage, but not bad enough for us to replace them…

    Hmmmm. I am wondering. Remind me again why we choose to have pets?

    Good luck with the table.

  5. 5 meg December 29, 2007 at 8:31 pm

    Oh yes… I am not sure if it would make you feel better or not… but we have 4 dogs and we have gone through furniture, clothes, sheets, pillows, etc. Probably doesn’t make you feel any better… but at least you know you are not alone!

    Sandy can come here and hang out for awhile if she wants!!!

    I hope you get your table fixed soon!

  6. 6 b December 30, 2007 at 8:16 pm

    ahhh…shit…we have SO been there. Well, not with an expensive coffee table..ours is from Ikea….but we have similar scratches on it from Honey. She also chewed her way through a couple of dressers, a table, and 4 chairs. They do grow out of it.

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