Why?

I got a phone call today.  From my Dad.  Obviously, I did not answer the phone (thank you inventor of the caller ID.  I owe you one).  I finally listened to the message he left, a few minutes ago.

Has anyone been keeping track of my parental encounters?  KJB, I know you’ve got a spreadsheet going right?  No?  Well then let me spell it all out for the world.

It has been 3 months since I have spoken to my parents.  The last encounter I had with my parents was Thanksgiving with their lovely dumpster diving flower arrangement and the swift, “professional” phone call.  And that encounter was  the only one we’ve had.  In 3 months.  They have either lost the ability to keep track of time, or they seem to be timing these little interactions to suit their own personal needs.  Like, say, maybe they don’t want to look like a big asses tomorrow night at my aunt’s house sans oldest child.  “Where’s Kathy?”  “She’s gone off to the circus?”  “She was eaten by a bear (maybe that same bear that hit our car huh, B)?”

Did it really finally dawn on them today that, o yeah, they have another kid?  2 days before Christmas they were counting out the chairs for the table and got stumped?

Wait…I just know we’re missing somebody.  Honey, are you sure you counted right?  Wait, what about Kathy??? Is she still doing that not speaking to us thing.  O brother.   We should probably try to do something about that so we don’t have to look stupid tomorrow.  Shit, its pretty last minute.  I’m sure we can settle this with a quick phone call.  Its not like its that big a deal.

Hey guys, this is your dad.  Just wanted to check in and see if we could find out what’s goin on.  When you get a chance, give us a call.  We’re around.  Talk to you later.  Bye”

Is he scheduling a board meeting?  Are we a client?  I mean surly it would be awkward to show any emotion to a client, but your daughter??  I am your daughter aren’t I?

Its just so annoying that they seem to not give a shit about me or my problems or feelings unless it coordinates perfectly with a holiday.  With what they see as “family” time.   Its been 3 fucking months and the only two times they have even pretended to care is Thanksgiving and Christmas.  And their version of caring is laughable to all.  I mean ignoring me all that other time is one thing, but to be so fucking completely stupid to think that I don’t notice their horrible timing is by far the worst of it.

The whole reason I stopped talking to them was because they don’t ever give a crap about me.  They hurt me.  They don’t support me.  And they are completely oblivious to the fact that they threw me aside to make room for my sister’s family.  And yet…when I call them out on it, they still seem to discover a way to make sure I still know where I stand.  To the side.  Behind the real family.  The ones they care about and have been looking forward to spending Christmas with.  Shit, they haven’t even noticed that we aren’t around until writing out the place cards for the Christmas dinner table!!  (I could be making that part up, but well, none of us really know now do we?)

I’m really trying not to let this get to me.  Mark and I are going to have a lovely holiday here by ourselves.  I made sure of it today when I picked up 2 bottles of champagne just for myself.  O yeah.  I’ll be having a fantastic holiday.

After this, I should be good for family botherings for about 4 more months.  When is Easter anyway?

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8 Responses to “Why?”


  1. 2 Kelly December 23, 2007 at 7:46 pm

    I feel you on this one! I haven’t talked to my family in over a year, since 2 days after my son was born and my mother called me up at 1 a.m. to chew me out for a number of things. I have received one letter in that interim in which my mother compared our relationship to that of an employer-employee relationship. I really feel for you because it’s a really shitty thing to have to experience. There’s not much anyone can say to ease the pain, but I’m definitely thinking about you.

  2. 3 b December 23, 2007 at 8:55 pm

    F them Kathy. They don’t deserve you..and could never appreciate you. Mark does, Sandy does, Monster does..that’s your family. You’re doing the right thing. Stand your ground girl..hopefully they’ll open their eyes one day.

  3. 4 Twisted Cinderella December 24, 2007 at 7:12 am

    I understand your feelings. My parents only deign to call me when someone in the family dies or when they feel the need to lecture someone.

  4. 5 meg December 24, 2007 at 7:27 am

    I think you are doing the right thing too, you got to protect your family, which is you, Mark, Sandy and Monster. If your parents hurt you and they can’t even see it… then you gotta do what works for you. I am sorry, even though it is the right thing to not be around them I know it is not always the easiest. But, you are so good for standing your ground.

    You enjoy your Christmas with your hubby and furbabies!

  5. 6 milkmaid79 December 24, 2007 at 8:51 am

    Good grief woman, sounds kinda like my parents. Stand you ground- wobbly as it may get with that champagne! The Muppets love you 😀

  6. 7 Orodemniades December 24, 2007 at 9:41 am

    Wow.

    Also, champagne is a good thing. I hope chocolate and cake and cookies are included, too.

  7. 8 katarinajellybeana December 24, 2007 at 7:48 pm

    My spreadsheet is on my other computer, but I am totally feeling your pain.

    I had planned to stay home, but allowed Mr. JB to talk me into A) telling his parents about my miscarriage and B) at least go up for his immediate family Christmas.

    Last night ended with me vomiting bourbon and telling him I hate him for making me come.

    Don’t let it happen to you, too.


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