The future is retarded

I haven’t had a chance to talk about it yet…but I actually saw a psycho psychic at my holiday Christmas party.  Yeah.  Me.  Hater of all stupid crap that isn’t real.  I went to a voodoo lady that tells you lame stuff that is suppose to be real.  (Hey.  You in the corner.  It’s totally not real.  She’s reading your body language!!)

Anyone interested in what she had to say?  Yeah.  You bet yer ass I was.  And I had only one question for her:

When the fuck am I going to have a baby?

She had me pull 7 cards from a deck of silly cartoon cards.  First card pulled = the death card.  oooooooh.  Death.  That must mean I’m going to die right?  Well, no.  Apparently that means change?  Umm…yeah I would definitely categorize death as a change.  In fact.  It’s kinda the biggest change in anyone’s life.  Or death.   Right?  Wait….what?

She said this was a “good” thing.  Let’s move on cause that part is far more complicated then the rest….

The next card I pulled….required her to spew out the words “hey you had a miscarriage!” (no the extra enthusiastic tone of this typing isn’t a mistake…it really came out that way).  Umm….well let’s just say this was an odd moment for everyone at the work party.

Then, some card with a ton of black and white stripes.  Anyone familiar?  Yeah that’s the stress card.  O please.  You lost me here.  Stress?  Is that British?  I haven’t ever been to England.

So let’s summarize.  I’m going to die after stressing about my dead baby?  Yeah.  What a fucking craptacular waste of time that was.

Anyway, the only measurable information that came out of this was that she “felt good” about me having a baby someday.  Not this year – according to Miss Future Predictor – but someday.  (in this lifetime or the next?  I’m confused).

O.  And I’m totally not pregnant.  Anyone placing those ridiculous bets on my 2ww would be better off serving their money to the poor on a silver platter.  With a dollop of Daisy.  This, all according to Miss Amazing.

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4 Responses to “The future is retarded”


  1. 1 katarinajellybeana December 21, 2007 at 7:28 am

    That SUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKSSSSS. Stupid bitch announcing to the world that which we can barely utter ourselves. And then telling you this crap about not next year….jeez.

    PS–Around 8 years ago I went to see a psychic in front of St Louis Cathedral in New Orleans. She told me I’d have a lot of trouble having children and I *might* have one. I’d buy her a coffee and ask her how she knew if I could find her.

  2. 2 b December 21, 2007 at 11:21 am

    Dude, that wasn’t a psychic..that was the chic from the supply room dressed up like a gypsy. F her for telling your business to the whole freaking room.

  3. 3 milkmaid79 December 21, 2007 at 2:11 pm

    I shake my hands of the filth that are faux-fortune tellers! Bleh!

  4. 4 Twisted Cinderella December 21, 2007 at 5:33 pm

    I hate that she announced your miscarriage like that! It is such a deep personal loss, it is not something to be spewed out with no regard to your feelings. ((hugs))


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