Cinderella? Well, not really.

Once upon a time,  there was a young man with a bit of a drinking problem.  The young man had a visit from his fairy Godmother who, with a wave of her magic wand, flew him to a rehab center where he met a whole new world of people to call family.  (Add a few dancing midgets in here for fairy tale effect)

The young man spent some time with his new family and worked out his problems.  He grew very close to his new family.  But eventually, it was time for him to return home.  After a few clicks of his heals (and a 13 week program) he was free to go home to his non-fairy tale family.  The young man was excited, yet scared.  How was he going to fit in with his old family an still keep in touch with his new family (midgets included)??  What’s a young man to do with his new found recovery in a world of old bad habits?  The young man said a few sad goodbyes, watched the big finale midget number, and continued on his marry way.

It wasn’t long before the young man missed his new family.  He longed to see them again.  A quick visit from his fairy Godmother (and a swift drink) and he was quickly reunited with his new family once again.  This time, he was going to have to work hard to introduce his new family to his old and blend the two in a way that worked for all.  While he lived with his old family, frequent visits to new family on a weekly basis seemed to be just enough to make everyone happy.

One night, while having a warm and fuzzy evening with new family, a very bad thing happened that would change everyone’s life forever.

You see, the new family had a hobag of a bitch (like an ugly, old aunt from the nasty extended family if you will) that would show up to every get together to monopolize the conversation and ruin everyone’s fun.   This one night, after the caroling and the ugly sweater wearing, a little elf secretly whispered to the young man that half of the new family had slept with the hobag aunt and that everyone was very upset/heartbroken.  Hobag had wormed her way into the hearts of each and every young man in the family and was systematically knocking them off one by one.  She was like a virus and with her screwing everyone in site, the caroling and sweater wearing was being replaced with silent nights and coal.

This frightened the young man.  He was not happy with this news and worried that she was going to come after him.  The young man was torn.  He loved his new family and he wanted them to be happy and safe.  But he was also worried that spending too much time with the new family meant his number was going to eventually be up.

With one final wave of her wand, the fairy Godmother kicked the living fucking shit out of hobag, picked her up, smacked her face in a sidewalk, knocked out all her teeth, made her eat them, then continued to pound her face into the concrete until she looked more like a flat faced monkey.  Problem solved.


5 Responses to “Cinderella? Well, not really.”

  1. 1 geohde December 6, 2007 at 10:53 pm

    Oh. Um. Err. Is this all hypothetically speaking, or has some evnt prompted this post?

  2. 2 kittenroar5 December 7, 2007 at 9:45 am

    WTF? Will I have to deconstruct this and write a paper?

  3. 3 b December 7, 2007 at 9:47 am

    S’plain yourself. If you can’t, I can wait for K’s paper.

  4. 4 milkmaid79 December 7, 2007 at 11:12 am

    Wow- needing some Cliff Notes here. I hope there are drawings of the teeth kicking part!

  5. 5 lazyppod December 7, 2007 at 11:47 am


    Sorry but it made me laugh! I love your wicked sense of humor and I need to be put in contact with your fairy Godmother!!!
    (I hope writing the post made you feel better also…)

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