101 uses for soda

Are you all ready for another round of Kathy is completely insane? O, you’re not? Well then may I suggest a little “Back to you”? Tonight at 8 on FOX. That should numb all our funny bones to complete remission. blgh.
Any hoo.

I recently had a convo with insane friend Tra. Started out light:

T – “Kat, I had sex with a random stranger again and the condom broke”

K – “when did you have your last period”

T – “two weeks ago”

K – “so I’ll be expecting my new baby in about June? Good, a nice summer baby”

(so I may have paraphrased a bit..)

Then we moseyed on to things like:

T – “do we have to tell the dad? I just met him today”

K – “o hell no of course not. We’ll tell your ex it’s his and that you’re just giving it to me”

T – “yeah that should work”

O what laughs we had. Silly D thinkin the baby is his and that she lost it to us in a bet. Sides still splitting….

Then out of nowhere, the conversation turned very very sour. Completely off course. Before we knew it we were both peeing from laughter over the thought of using lemon lime soda and a turkey baster to perform back alley style home abortion. “Honey, can you please stop at the store and pick me up a 2 liter of slice, a 2 liter of coke (just in case) and a turkey baster? Thanks. And don’t ask questions, its girly stuff”.

Seriously? How did this happen? And how did this not offend me? The visuals of hurling liters of carbonated substances into her vagina and pondering how strong the bubbles would hurt sent me rolling on the floor. The questions that came up. Would it hurt? Cause some girly gasses to exude for days on end? Would your thighs get sticky? Attracting ants? O my God, would humming birds start to gather at your nether region? Would the sole-full sounds of tiny bubbles bursting become your walking background music?

I am a sick and twisted individual. One minute I’m crying over the simple misguided questioning of some well meaning coworkers and the next I’m planning secret cocktail abortions using the finest in Thanksgiving equipment.

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6 Responses to “101 uses for soda”


  1. 1 geohde November 8, 2007 at 1:12 am

    Just remember not to perforate the posterior fornix and irrigate the peritoneal cavity. That’s a common problem that seems to occur with such efforts.

    Gah.

    Apparently I’m twisted, too.

    J

  2. 2 b November 8, 2007 at 8:12 am

    You guys are effed up! : )

  3. 3 kittenroar5 November 8, 2007 at 5:17 pm

    I like sick and twisted, but that’s just me!

  4. 4 Tra November 29, 2007 at 10:52 pm

    honey do list:

    turkey baster
    diet coke
    dr pepper
    and tampons to plug up the excess f;uids.

    thanks.

    BTW… don’t forget funnel just in case


  1. 1 What did you say? « B a b y B o u n d Trackback on November 9, 2007 at 11:17 am
  2. 2 5 times the words, 5 times the laughs. « B a b y B o u n d Trackback on November 29, 2007 at 9:18 pm

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