The circle of portive

So I haven’t mentioned my family situation in what seems to be at least a decade now (or a few weeks for you sticklers to the modern calendar system).  Not much has changed really.  I haven’t really heard from them, however, I did get an email from my father yesterday.  It was somewhat amusing to Mark and I.  They’ve decided to take the “let’s play dumb and see what she does” road:

…”We don’t understand why you are upset.  If you decide to change your mind, let us know”…

Guess they forgot that little bit about me having no tolerance for dumb people didn’t they?  Dumb works on my sister because she is dumb.  Dumb doesn’t work with Kathy.  Dumb gets ignored.  Dumb is only going to become a nice little piece of amusement by which I’ll roll my eyes and make fun of you.  So a little chuckle and a quick delete and we’re back to no news.

It really does feel great to not be dealing with them.  For years now, they’ve been extremely manipulative and hurtful.  Their sick mind games have always left me feeling as though I was the wrong one, the problem, the idiot so to speak.  Their horrible favoritism for my sister so blatantly in my face has always made me feel so lame for not reacting.  Everyone sees it.  Everyone knows it.  And everyone probably secretly wonders why I take it.  Well, I’m not.  And it feels great.  It feels powerful to have taken charge of my feelings and life and how I deal with them.  I’m no longer bungee corded to their whims of emotion.  I don’t have to let them puppet string me into whatever way they want me to act or feel about something.  I get to act and feel how I want.  I’m a good person and I need no lessons in how to act ridiculously horrible.

I also don’t have to deal with how unbelievably unsupportive they are of me.  This is the best part.  See, I never realized this before, but there is a huge difference between being unsupportive and not being a part of the “portive” structure in the first place.

SUPportive, we all know and want.  Supportive is happy.  Supportive makes perfect sense and doesn’t need further explanation.

UNSUPportive also speaks for itself.  Its dark.  Its painful sometimes but without it, we would all be flailing about like 2 year olds.  It keeps a balance to the world.  It steers us towards the right and away from the wrong.  (most of the time)

But not even being portive…this is something you have control over.  You make the rules on who is even allowed in the circle of portive.  You decide how you feel about these people.  To put it another way, people that don’t even matter to you really aren’t portive because even if they do have an opinion, it doesnt’ hold much weight.  We don’t make decisions based on what people outside the circle of portive want because their feelings and opinions do not matter.

Now this does not mean that any time someone doesn’t support your views you should remove them from the circle.  That’s a dangerous move that can launch you into a world much like Britney Spears.  Not good.  But people that become rather toxic inside the circle, that fester in there, and thrive on bad behavior, these people can sometimes do with a launching well outside the circle.  This is basically what I have done with my family.  (One might want to picture a catapult full of little family people that launch well into the darkness of space for this one….it certainly adds to the story and I feel makes it quite extraordinary.)

So unsupportive vs. not even portive.  I never realized the difference before.  But wow.  What a huge difference it is.  What a great lesson.  Someday they may make it back into the circle of portive, but I’ll expect far more begging and probably a little bribery before we get there.


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