Age is just a number…sort of.

Holy crap.  This dawned on me today:

I am 32.  I do not have a child.  Hopefully I will have one by the time I’m, say, 35.

If I have a child at 35, fine.  Doesn’t seem all that bad.  Until you realize that by the time they are 35, I will be SEVENTY. 70.  60+10.  35×2.  For all intensive purposes, OLD.  That’s right folks….I’ll be the old granny of daycare.  I’ll be a geezer of a parent with a child that’s probably still hitting the bars and living like SJP when she’s my age.  When her friends all talk about her behind her back (notice my child is a she?? of course.), they’ll say things like “dude, her mom is like 70 or something. I think she must have been adopted.  I don’t know but her mom is hella old.”

Why did this even pop into my over-processed brain today?  Well, since you’re asking, its because I actually just had that convo about someone else.  Who’s almost 40.  With a hella old dad.  Who’s like almost 80.  – and with this sentence I think I have fulfilled my “hella” quotion for my lifetime.  I am not a fan of hella.  Crap I did it again.

Its not like this is really my fault or anything.  I can’t exactly dwell on the things I cannot control.  This thought bubble of a post really isn’t intended to be sad and depressing.  More of a “holy crap I’m getting old!”.  I know people have babies at much higher ages then I.  I know this.  But how many of them over think things as thoroughly as me?  How many of them planned out their child’s life well past their undetermined death?    How many of them were tailoring their future motherhood from as early as 5st grade when they refused to die their hair pink with everyone else – for fear this could be used against them in future teenager squabbles with their daughter?  When your brain is as empty as mine (blond and all) it leaves plenty of room for thinkin, plannin, analyzin, ponderin…  You know, normal phycho stuff.

So don’t cry for me, Argentina.  I’m just old.  That’s all.  Since plannin is my specialty, please allow me to gather as much information possible on walkers, depends, granny glasses, polyester pants, Velcro shoes, blue hair dyes, AARP memberships (how young can you be?), toaster cozies, anti depressants for the 65+ set, age spots, dentures, early bird specials and assisted living.  I’m going to need to be prepared as soon as my baby goes off to college.  I’ll try to buy the plot by her 3rd birthday.


5 Responses to “Age is just a number…sort of.”

  1. 1 geohde October 23, 2007 at 3:13 am

    I’ve done the ‘my husband will be over 40 before our yet to be conceived child hits school’ thoughts lately.

    Not fun, eh?

    Oh well, hopefully by then seventy is the new 50 🙂


  2. 2 katarinajellybeana October 23, 2007 at 5:56 am

    With the advances in modern medicine, you’ll be sure to limp along for YEARS after you’ve outlived your usefullness.

  3. 3 Laura October 23, 2007 at 6:00 am

    I over analyze the age thing too. I turned 30 this year and much to the horror of my co-workers don’t have children yet – as they all had a few by the time they were my age. Of course my next question is to ask if there was even electricity when they were 30 since they are all old as hell. If I hear one more ‘you’re not a spring chicken’ comment, someone will die!

    Good to know I am no alone.

  4. 4 Hilary October 23, 2007 at 10:32 am

    I am about to turn 31 in November so I am right behind you. Funny, I recently had the “I’m old” realization as well. My only consolation is that my husband is 35 so as old as I get, he’ll always be older. Unfortunately he just gets sexier and more distinguished while I just seem to be getting more haggered.

    Here’s what kills me: Celebrities who were born in 1982 are having babies. 1982!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  1. 1 When it breaks - its time to move on « B a b y B o u n d Trackback on October 23, 2007 at 10:31 am

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