Drop Dead Sexy

On my way into work this morning, the DJ was reading off a list of the 10 ways to make your wife feel sexy while she’s pregnant. All-in-all…it was a horribly stupid fucking list. Completely designed for those lucky chicks that had no trouble getting pregnant and have NO clue what feeling horrible even means. You know the type. The ones complaining about how fat they are at 4.5 months because their size 2 jeans are ever so slightly snugger then yesterday. (still looking God awfully fantastic on her of course) Yeah…the stuff on the list was laughably ridiculous. I certainly do not think that the majority of pregnant woman would respond to highly to having their partners set up a photo shoot for them to take naked pregnant pictures. Or a shopping spree at Fredrick’s of Hollywood for pregnancy thongs in their 9th month. I found this top 10 ten list to be hilarious and all I could picture in my head was that size 2 loving it.

Where is the list for making your infertile wife feel sexy? I mean we all feel drastically broken and disgusting most of the time. Half the time, we don’t even feel like real woman as we are unable to perform the basic task of womanhood. If that’s not unsexy then I must be in the wrong class.

I’m going to start my own list of top 10’s that would probably make me feel more sexy during my life long quest for child (Hint hint, wink wink Marky). For today, here’s my list:

1. Buy me flowers. Lots of them. For absolutely no reason whatsoever. Just because.

2. Say the words I. Love. You. Out loud. To my face. Often. Perhaps every day if that suits your fancy.

3. Make the bed (my way). You know this task needs to happen every day for my brain to not crash leaving me frozen in time until someone reboots. Maybe take initiative sometimes for no reason.

4. Pick up a sock or two every once in a while. Yeah that’s right. They’re YOUR socks. They have two acceptable locations. The drawer. The hamper. OK three….your feet work as well.

5. Would it kill you to make a real dinner that included all the major food groups in a style I would prepare for you? Helping out is so sweet and I love it, but a piece of chicken and a handful of frozen veggies is single man food. That’s all I’m sayin.

6. Do the words “damn you’re sexy” ring a bell? No? Well that little string of consonants and vowels make a pretty neat little package don’t they? Try them on for size.

7. Surprise me. Take me away for the weekend. Plan the whole thing yourself. You’re a big boy. You can do it. I’m sure the nice lady at the travel agency or the patient server on the Internet will be more then happy to help you.

8. When I am having one of those lovely anxiety attacks about my appearance that you love so much, rather then just hug me and tell me you love me (which I will admit is very sweet), help out. Find something that does look sexy to you in my closet and tell me to wear it. Then I at least know you are happy with the way I look and we can move on. Note: If said sexy outfit does not fit right now due to blobby cycle grossness, find another quickly. Make sure the new outfit will fit and then lie that its your favorite.

9. Chocolate. Any form.

10. Sex. Often. Always. Do NOT turn me down. (TMI folks? Too bad. This is my list.)

I think it is only fair to point out that Mark really is good at this list most of the time. He actually is a very good man and I truly do love him dearly. I’d say most of this list is covered very well by him. Good job, Marky.  I.  Love.  You.

OK I’m done saving my own ass from trouble later…


4 Responses to “Drop Dead Sexy”

  1. 1 geohde October 16, 2007 at 1:53 pm

    Pregnancy thongs?


    Not this little black duck, should I actually ever get the opportunity to have the option!


  2. 2 kittenroar5 October 16, 2007 at 6:25 pm

    I don’t think infertiles will be as self-conscious. We’ll wear shirts with arrows pointing our bellies. Probably at six weeks.

  3. 3 katarinajellybeana October 17, 2007 at 11:18 am

    So love this list!

    You’re right about the flowers. They had been on my mind well before your list, but I think this was the catalyst for pushing me into full obsession mode.

    I fully agree with everything. It all speaks to the parts of me that got shoved aside in favor of shots and pills and dates with the unpleasant kind of want.

    Smart cookie!

  4. 4 whenwillitbemyturn October 18, 2007 at 2:06 pm

    I’m a size 24 and totally plan on nude pregnancy pics. But then that’s me.

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