Girlfriend aint right

I don’t think I’m well in the head. Why? Why you ask? Well pipe down a sec and I’ll tell ya! But be warned, I might offend you here. Sorry in advance.

The other day I was talking with my best friend Tra. (not a Muppet. She’s the real deal) Tra is probably the most fertile being on this planet and ironically, doesn’t want kids yet (pregnant 5 times, ended each of them). “Someday, but I’m not ready now”. I have my own feelings about this of course, but just as I don’t deserve to be judged for my choices, I don’t judge her. Jealous? Is that really even a question?? Of course I am!! Being friends with Tra is like being the fat girl that hangs out with the skinny girls to A) feel like she’s cool and B) make the skinny bitches feel even better. I love hate love Tra.

So what does this have to do with the self diagnosis of my skull innards? Tra and I were chatting, as already established, and she confessed a sexual encounter with her ex (another day, another romp for Tra). This confession included an extra bonus of “we didn’t even use protection”.

So I am expecting to hear about the double pinks in about two weeks.

We continued on with our convo. She is in the circle so she is well aware of my life, my non-ability to produce eggs, and my uncanny ability to kill babies in my uterus. Tra and I are both well aware of the polar opposites in our lifestyles here and we pretty much choose to not discuss it too often. Not on this day, however. Tra countered my pregnancy predictions with “I’ll give you the baby”. Was I offended? Was I mad? Was I hurt? Nope. Of course not. Absolutely not. I laughed my ass off. I aint right remember?

This triggered a conversation that spiraled out of control ranging from writing the agreement on toilet paper over drinks to having 8 sets of grandparents with a lottery for holiday rights. When the little french fry wants a brother, we’ll say the word “baby” to Auntie Tra and one will pop out like peez. (I’ll spare you any more as I know you are all thoroughly offended by now and think I’m insane for even speaking of children in such a mannor) We couldn’t stop laughing for at least 20 minutes and just didn’t have the energy to muster up a new topic. This one just worked out for us so well. The line is forming to the left for those of you who want to rip me a new one for my lack of tact and horrible morals. Anyone feeling I’d make a great mother gets a free pass to the front of the line.

I’ve been sitting with this for a few days. I am still not even close to offended or upset with this and I don’t get it. A simple wrong turn in the supermarket sends me into a tailspin. My mother tried to make me watch a movie and you all know how that ended up. Is it because she cares and others don’t? No that can’t be it. Is it because she’s not my mother? No because my Mom is not the only offender (as much as I like to transfix on her). Why can she get away with it and others are banned to the naughty mat? This is why I think my head aint right. Looking at diapers in the store makes me cry but pretending to work out an adoption plan with my friend involving a bar, bathroom essentials, and a one night stand hasn’t hit me. It doesn’t remind me of my shortcomings or bum me out. I still giggle thinking about it now. Is it because its so over-the-top ridiculous that its filed under the “bad soap plot line” file? Possibly.

Anyone else care to chime in that they are as strange as I? I’ll sit back and let you have the mic. Go on.

O, and my newly adopted toilet paper baby will be due in June for anyone keeping track.

UPDATE:  I should add that Tra reads my blog.  She knows she’s now on it.  Jury is still out on how she feels about it.

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5 Responses to “Girlfriend aint right”


  1. 1 Orodemniades October 2, 2007 at 6:23 pm

    Yeah, you sound like an infertile woman to me.

    Hi, Tra!

  2. 2 Orodemniades October 2, 2007 at 6:24 pm

    PS: do not flush toilet paper baby down the toilet, or allow any cats/puppies/people with colds near him or her.

    I’m just sayin’.

    Oh, wait, this baby isn’t actually made of toilet paper?? :p

  3. 3 geohde October 2, 2007 at 11:16 pm

    Oh darlin’ fellow infertile.

    I will freely admit strangeness.

    But you knew that already, right?

    xx
    J

  4. 4 katarinajellybeana October 3, 2007 at 5:45 am

    I wonder where the reality begins and ends.

  5. 5 Tracy October 3, 2007 at 12:35 pm

    My theory? Tra is one of the few people that actually makes you feel *normal*. Those friends, the ones that don’t tiptoe around you and treat you like the person you *used* to be before your life became consumed with infertility actually make you feel better about things. I love being with them.

    Plus, you just have to laugh about how ridiculous this all is sometimes, don’t you?

    I wish one of my friends would get knocked up and give me a baby.


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