Revenge can be cold

This weekend Mark and I went up to the gold country with my parents.  It was suppose to be a larger family gathering, but somehow the memo was never sent to us that everyone else baled.  It wasn’t until we arrived after our 3 hour drive that we were surprised with the news that it was just going to be the 4 of us.  Surprise!

Well, we decided to make the most of it and did all that we could to enjoy it.  Overall, we did enjoy ourselves.  Mark served as the God that he is and steered all convo’s away from anything remotely going down the path of babyhood.  My father did wonders to make sure that my mother felt completely satisfied and didn’t utter “everyone is picking on me” over comments like “how do you take your coffee, Mom?”.   It was a very surface weekend and we came out fairly unscathed.

However!  (You couldn’t really expect me to have two boring Mother events in a row could you?  I mean we are still talking about my crazy mother right???)  Yesterday morning started out lovely.  Beautiful, crisp air in the sky.  Those intense pine and mountain smells in that air.  And a bright sunny sky sans clouds blanketing everything.  We started out with a breakfast of pancakes and fruit salad, lots of coffee and some very strange radio that nobody could really identify.  After breakfast, my mother turned on the tellie and surfed through the 11 channels to find that “Father of the Bride II” was about to begin.  (For anyone that does not know, this is the one where the daughter and the mother both get pregnant and have babies at the exact same time.  So real.)  What are the odds faking my death would get this turned off?

“O this is my favorite movie!”  (favorite???  or on right now?)  spews out of my mother’s mouth and there you have it folks, we’re all going to sit there and watch this fucking shithole of a movie just so that crazy can tell us all how much she loves it.  O that, and of course the machine gun like flare of her baby comments that we will now ingest on top of our pancakes.  Fuck fuck fuck.

I hated her now.  I was plain pissed.  Pissed that we were stuck up there without the entire family to hide behind that we expected.  Pissed that everyone around me always caters to my mother because its easier then dealing with her.  And pissed that I have to sit and watch this craptacular spectacle.

We were suppose to be getting ready to go to the caverns so I made an attempt to get us going in this direction by sending Mark to shower first because I love him and wanted him to have hot water.  My father followed suit minutes later.  Good.  We’re on our way.  It dawned on me while they were both in the shower that the dishwasher was on.  Interesting.  (don’t see where this is going?  don’t worry I will catch you up in a minute)  Mark soon reappeared all fresh and clean while my father was still primping.  Ah ha!!  I am getting my shot.  I raced down to our room to get in the shower.  I practically flung clothes off down the hallway leaving myself naked and freezing before even entering the bathroom.  Crap, I forgot my razor.  No time!!!  My legs and pits will have to take the hit this time.  I turned on that shower….as hot as it would go…..let that steam fill the bathroom and stepped in.  I had a lovely shower.  So warm.  Too hot even.  It felt so good.  When I was sufficiently squeegeed clean, I got out.  O wait….but I forgot to do something….hmm….waaaaait…..waaaaaaait…….the steam seems to be going down and the water feels pretty tepid…..ok NOW I can turn off the shower.   Ahhhh sweet revenge.  Make me watch another baby spectacle and I’ll swap your regular brand of coffee with something of the decaffeinated nature.


4 Responses to “Revenge can be cold”

  1. 1 katarinajellybeana October 1, 2007 at 9:46 am

    You. Are. My. Hero.

  2. 2 Tracy October 1, 2007 at 1:26 pm

    If only I had these types of opportunities to take revenge upon…er, I mean, bond with, my mother. Well played.

  1. 1 Girlfriend aint right « B a b y B o u n d Trackback on October 2, 2007 at 3:26 pm
  2. 2 B a b y B o u n d Trackback on November 29, 2007 at 9:18 pm

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