What is wrong with you?

As we all know from my previous post about my spelling bee accomplishments, I have flaws. I was asked by a coworker today if I had anything wrong with me. After graciously cleaning up the spewed, masticated inhabitants of my mouth off the table, I said “of course not, I’m like a goddess” but in fact, I actually do have several attributes that could go for some improvement. In jest, he asked me to list them out for future reference. Obviously this list was easy to make so I called his bluff and wrote it. Leaving off the most glaring problem with me – my baby wasteland – and keeping it office friendly, my list read as follows:

  • I cannot do a push up
  • I cannot run 5 miles
  • I am allergic to seafood so therefore cannot go halfsies on a plate of calamari
  • I often skip a shower
  • I’m extremely impatient
  • I talk way too much and don’t listen well if you’re telling me a story I don’t care about
  • If you tell me your name, and this is a preliminary introduction, I was not listening to you (sadly it doesn’t even matter if you are important or not)
  • I give almost everyone a very silly name like poopy, sarahbear, or tra and consistently refer to them with this name in public
  • I have labels to show where 85% of my belongings go.
  • I am unable to resist a Twizzler. Ever.
  • I often exaggerate by very grand amounts when telling a story. Like a bazillion times in a day.
  • I know everything. Don’t believe me? Ask me where your cerebellum is or how to build a car.
  • I cannot spell. At all. Pretty much my name is a challenge.
  • I don’t like anyone when I meet them. They have to win me over. Hey, its not my rule. It is what it is.
  • I lose far too much sleep over the order of my clothes in the closet. (should it be dark to light? Short sleeve to long sleeve? Cotton to blends?) And even worse, I change it often. Yes, that’s right. I reorganize organization.
  • When I have had too much to drink, I will be a problem.
  • My eyesight gets blurry at night.
  • I subscribe to several magazines, but I do not read them.
  • I can’t eat anything. I cannot even think about fattening things without bloating out like a puffer fish.
  • I have to be in a fight with at least one friend at all times. If I’m not, I will start one.
  • I hate am a huge disappointment to my mother.
  • I am TERRIFIED of ants. (I will go into a catatonic state when within eyesight of one)
  • I cannot write well and yet, I blog.
  • I almost never take anything seriously.
  • I’m extremely shallow about gifts. If you give me a crappy gift, I do not have the ability to think “it was the thought that counted”. I hold a grudge.
  • I can’t sing. Actually that isn’t true. I can sing but I’m far too chicken to ever do it in front of anyone.
  • I can keep indoor plants alive but I am the plant killer of the outside world.
  • After killing plants, I continue to go buy more. Only to kill them as well. Its a cycle and I’m stuck.
  • I talk for my dog. Meaning, if you say “O cute dog”…I will answer you in her voice.
  • I navigate through San Francisco finding the flattest streets I can. I am willing to go completely out of my way to avoid ANY hills. THAT is how lazy I am.
  • I watch far too much crap tv and I’m not even ashamed to admit it. (I think the greatest invention of our time is Tivo)
  • I swear too much

No, this really has nothing to do with my journey to mommy hood, but I thought you all might find it interesting. Well…maybe not. But one of my faults is that I talk to much.


4 Responses to “What is wrong with you?”

  1. 1 dayzofrain September 21, 2007 at 9:35 pm

    As sad as it may or may not be.. we have a lot in common. Maybe thats why I like your blog LOL…

  2. 2 Kristen September 22, 2007 at 6:02 pm

    I am new to your blog but wanted to stop in and say hello. We are common in several ways in particular:

    1.) Totally impatient here.
    2.) Mmmmm, Twizzlers…
    3.) My astigmatism makes me eyes blurry at night.

    Nice to learn more about my fellow bloggers, even if its not all Pollyanna perfection 🙂

  3. 3 katarinajellybeana September 23, 2007 at 7:16 am

    It’s like we’re twins, but you got the OCD/Seafood Allergy gene and I didn’t. Scary.

    I have written many haiku in homage to my Tivo. Here is one for you:

    You know my wants, needs,
    better than I know myself.
    O Tivo! My Love.

  1. 1 5 times the words, 5 times the laughs. « B a b y B o u n d Trackback on November 29, 2007 at 9:32 pm

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