Navigating the danger zones

For those lucky enough to be of the fertile set, this post will probably make no sense. Warning in advance. Anyone left, read on and laugh amongst yourselves.

As we all know, there are several places in the world that infertiles are forbidden. Baby stores, changing rooms, baby showers, etc.  We frankly have nothing to offer but depression, sadness and bad energy. For various reasons that many people have already sited in blogs from centuries ago, we pass on the knowledge of said places by blogging as a ceremonious way of bringing our young, newly infertile pups up to become grown up matured and well jaded queens of the baron set – without the ceremony but we surely raise our wine/booze/needles in a toast.

One of these horribly dangerous places is where I focus my post – the baby isle of any local supermarket.

I have really developed a knack for avoiding this place, however being that:

1. I am fairly new to San Francisco
2. I try to do most of my food shopping at Trader Joe’s or the farmers market and
3. I have not had a chance to thoroughly map out the danger zone at Safeway yet…

I somehow found myself walking the streets of this very bad bad place today. Not only did I make a wrong turn into the East LA of the market (no offense to anyone living there. I’m sure its lovely, I’m speaking only of stereotype here. My bad), I got shot. Not by a gun of course, by several waiting mommy gangsters aiming right for me. Picture a video game set in the baby isle. Me heading north and 3 woman with carts, and babies heading south.   They were all far too busy talking to each other to pay any attention to the world around them or the horrid infertile with a basket heading towards them.  Slam!  I totally lost.  Basket and Kathy on the floor. Game over. No more lives.

With everyone sufficiently accounted for, we went through a fantastic round of apologies and started with the wildly embarrassing task of getting me up off the floor and gathering my (having-absolutely-nothing-to-do-with-children) wine, lettuce, chicken and HPT’s. (they were actually on sale today and I figured I’d stock up) Of course, this aroused them into a chorus lines of “good luck” and “you wont be drinking that if the test is +”.

All of this happened in what was probably 1.5 minutes but felt more like I could have watched “Lawrence of Arabia ” 4 times. Not only was I completely surrounded by the cool kids, it happened to be in their clubhouse.

Of course I was able to laugh it off and didn’t really have too many wounds to lick, but as they all scattered back to their hiding places waiting for the next idiot infertile to try an trespass their turf, I was left to stand alone completely enveloped in baby products. Passing all of the products of which I have absolutely no use for, I got sad.

Avoid these places I say! Don’t play that stupid video game. I’ll clearly have to spend more time with my rudimentary blueprint of Safeway. I’ll add yellow police tape to my shopping list and mark this danger zone out for my infertile friends out there.

Then…a beacon of hope. Child of one mommy gangster peed himself and started screaming.  Thank you, God.


6 Responses to “Navigating the danger zones”

  1. 1 dayzofrain September 17, 2007 at 6:50 pm

    So I have totally played that game before. Now I send Hubby on recon missions to specifically avoid it- meaning “I go to produce, you find the god-forsaken aisle and keep me from it”. I know its bad..but even though he claims he’s “just a medic”–in these situations hes a soldier LOL

  2. 2 geohde September 18, 2007 at 1:03 am

    Oh my goodness, how awful and awkward for you. Hunted down in the supermarket.

    I am so sorry that the fertiles ‘got’ you, no fair!



  3. 3 katarinajellybeana September 18, 2007 at 6:52 am

    I am all too familiar with this game! It seems like they pop up from behind doorways or fences like those shoot ’em up cop training exercises!

    Grocery stores tend to clear out of most family life around 10pm around here. I target my shopping for then…

  4. 4 Orodemniades September 18, 2007 at 7:45 pm

    Dude, I still avoid that isle even though with any luck, I’ll be wandering down it in February. And as someone else posted the other day, the co-op’s/health food stores are even worse…

  1. 1 Girlfriend aint right « B a b y B o u n d Trackback on October 2, 2007 at 3:23 pm
  2. 2 I got picked last for the team « B a b y B o u n d Trackback on October 13, 2007 at 5:00 pm

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