Friendship job description: Call me

Friendships can be puzzling at times. One of my very best friends, D, has really disappointed me lately and I haven’t really dealt with it. I don’t actually know how. She happens to be a member of the highly exclusive, VIP, secret service club that is more commonly known as our infertility circle. There are literally a handful of members (6 members to be exact. Including Mark and I) so when there is a call to duty needed, there are very few soldiers to send in.

I have never ever fought with D. I love her a lot. She might just be the only friend I have that I haven’t found something wrong with. Well, until now I guess. Since my miscarriage – over 60 days ago – I have yet to hear from her. At first, I had sent her an email about losing the babies. I couldn’t really bare to say it out loud. I admittedly did say not to call me until I’m ready because I needed to go into my hole. A hole that I rarely go, but when I do, its a solo mission. But 2 weeks later, I was out and attempted to make contact. And then again. And then again. Again? Hmm… One more time? Stalker? Great.

She has said exactly 5 times “I’m going to call you tonight, this week, next week, this weekend, tonight” and I guess these have different definitions that are more along the lines of “when I’m bored, driving in traffic or everyone else is busy”. She still hasn’t called me back which makes sense if she’s truly busy distracted enough.

At first, I thought she may be feeling awkward and not know what to say to me and maybe doesn’t deal with really hard stuff very well. Fair enough. So I have made several attempts to call her and break the ice. Thinking this might make it easier to talk. I’ve left messages and sent nice/funny emails. I’ve even flat out said “I’d really like to talk to you, D.” Nothing.

So for a while now, I’ve been upset about this. I really have no desire to get into a fight with someone because they didn’t call me (I stopped fighting over that as a Junior in high school after all). Fighting with D isn’t going to solve this anyway. But I am actually pretty hurt. My miscarriage was/is really hard on me. And with so few members of the secret service, I am very lonely through a lot of it. Its really not that I needed her to say something meaningful and grand. To make it all better or take away all the pain with chocolate brownies (although…) Just talk to me about nothing. Just act normal. Normal is what I need. Her avoidance of me entirely makes me feel NOT normal. Like I am someone to send out to the pasture to live alone until I die. No longer worth fostering a relationship with. I’m “damaged”. (did I just call myself a cow??)

What is really killing me today is that she sent me yet another someday-when-I’m-totally-bored-and-remember-you-exist-I’ll-call-you email in response to reach out attempt 27,892. In this lovely shout out she actually mentions that she has been in the bay area (dealing with very sad family stuff. Sorry D, but still) !! What, your phone not work when it gets closer to me? Did you think I moved to San Francisco, Spain? (yeah I know that’s not a real place no need to comment) A trip to my vague location didn’t jar your memory of my being?

I haven’t figured out how to handle it. I still love her. And I still need her. Very disappointing. Is it acceptable to act 16 again just this once? No. Its not. Sigh.


1 Response to “Friendship job description: Call me”

  1. 1 I be strong woman « B a b y B o u n d Trackback on September 18, 2007 at 8:05 pm

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