Miscarriage blows

Having a miscarriage really knocks the wind out of your sail. Here you are, happier then you’ve been in years because finally something in your body followed instruction. You can finally relax and breath (a little) because there are no folly counts in your future. You still, of course, have the unsettling feeling in your stomach, the vagina invasions, those nasty progesterone injections and no caffeine to get you through it. Its not like you’re going to be a glowing-happy-worry free-preggers chick. That’s just ridiculous. But you have at least made it past the positive stick. You’ve graduated to insane lady with child.

Ahhh…first dildocam shows 2 sacs. Everything is going as expected. Blood still rising. Perfect.

Think of names, plan the baby room, figure out what year they will graduate high school and when you need to start saving for cars, college, weddings, etc. Call financial guy and make arrangements.

Fuck….second dildocam shows no heartbeats. None? Fuck fuck fuck. More blood. Wait and pretend that you are actually waiting for good news. Tell yourself that it would suck to be preggers over New Years anyway.
Blood bad. Babies’ dead. Damn it.

Call financial planner and try to optimistically explain that you jumped the gun because you are an ass.

Here’s my favorite part. Follow up apt to D&C, doc feels required to let me know that one of the baby’s was a girl and the other never started forming. Is my doctor the grim reeper? I think so. Thanks for the pick-me-up. I was having a hard time getting out of bed, but now, I’m on the verge of leaping out of bed and just jumping right out the window. You’re a peach.

Anyway, its so unbelievable how quickly things turn around. One minute you’re reminiscing about hormone injections in the alley behind your office and giggling over a dozen positive HPT’s. The next, you’re checking the expiration dates to see if you have enough for the next cycle.

Next time I think I’ll wait until at least the 2nd trimester to call money guy.  Someone remind me of this because of course I will not do this.


2 Responses to “Miscarriage blows”

  1. 1 Julie September 14, 2007 at 11:23 am

    I am so sorry to hear that…God this baby making stuff can really suck.

  2. 2 Ang September 20, 2007 at 8:44 pm

    Dildocam. You’re brilliant. Why didn’t you ever tell me you were a writer?

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